Snickers Vies For “Dumb Ass of the Year” Award

It seems that America just can’t live without its “niggers.” American Indians, African Americans, Asian Americans, Hispanic Americans, Arab Americans, hell, even women have all been America’s “nigger” at some point in our short history. America has always looked for groups of people to oppress, to ridicule. The American Indians had their land taken and are now forced to live on reservations. African Americans endured slavery and continued racism throughout American history. Japanese Americans were interred in World War II. Hispanic Americans are paid shit wages. Arab Americans are detained without cause. Women had to fight, FIGHT, for the right to vote. Does this sound like the proper treatment of people who live in the “land of the free?”

Homosexuals are America’s newest “niggers.” No longer satisfied with discriminating people based on race, now we’re discriminating people based on sexual preference. How stupid is that. This whole mess with the Snickers Super Bowl ad clearly illustrates the status of homosexuals in America.

You’d think that with shows like “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” “The L Word,” and “Queer as Folk” that America had finally gotten over its latent homophobia. Not so. The Snickers ad depict two grease-monkeys mistakenly kissing each other full on the mouth and then doing something “manly” to essentially reaffirm their heterosexuality.

Now, I’m not going to even attempt to argue that this stupid commercial rises to the level of a hate crime. No one was physically beaten because two dudes ate a Snickers that looked like a piece of floppy shit and locked lips. But if you put the commercial in a racial context, perhaps you can understand why people might take offense. Imagine someone prancing around in black face. There, I don’t even need to go any further.

The commercial tacitly implies that being gay is somehow un-manly and that it’s okay to poke fun at homosexuals. A spokesperson for Masterfoods, Alice Nathanson, says that the ad even tested well:

As with all of our Snickers advertising, our goal was to capture the attention of our core Snickers consumer.

Feedback from our target consumers has been positive. In addition, many media and website commentators of this year’s Super Bowl commercial line-up ranked the commercial among this year’s top ten best. USA Today ranked it 9 of its top ten picks.

Tested well? That’s your fucking excuse?

It’s not okay to make fun of homosexuals for being homosexuals just like it’s not right for making fun of Asians for being Asians or Blacks for being Black. It’s not okay to make fun of people because of who they are. Now, if they do stupid shit, gloves are off. Clearly, people should be made fun of for things they do!

It’s about damn time that we as Americans judge people on their character, not their ethnicity or their sexuality or gender. These are mere features of a whole person. They do not define people in their entirety. I am not just a heterosexual Asian male. I am much more.

I am Jamie Kane Noguchi.

And when I do stupid shit, I expect to be made fun of!