chev.jpgJason Statham fucks Amy Smart in the middle of China Town while a bus load of Korean school girls giggle and watch!

Well, how would you start off a review of Crank?

Let’s back up a second. My brother and I have a penchant for bad movies. We paid money to see Star Trek: Nemesis on purpose. I bought us tickets to see Spice World opening night. So when both of us remark that a movie is utter shite, you know it’s got to be utter shite!

So yes, back to the fucking. The movie starts with a swift kick in the nuts. Jason Statham play Chev Chelios, a hit man who wakes up to find that he’s been injected with some “Chinese shit” that will kill him in an hour. After trashing his wide-screen flat-panel TV (I cringed on the floor at this scene), he goes out to find Verona, the man who responsible for drugging him. A quick call to his doctor reveals that if he’s able to keep his adrenal glands pumping full, he can counteract the effects of the drug. As you can imagine, hilarity and ultra violence ensue.

Chev cuts a bloody path through the city to keep his heart pumping. He snorts coke off the floor of a bathroom and picks a fight with a bar full of angry Black men. He drives through a crowded mall. He forces an EMT at gun-point to hit him with a defibrillator. He steals a cop’s motorcycle and stands on the seat as it’s speeding down the road. He bangs his girlfriend in the middle of a busy China Town street. Hell, now that I think about it, he does all the things you wish you could do if you didn’t have to worry about getting corn-holed in jail.

Crank doesn’t give you time to stop and realize that there’s no possible way any of this could happen. The cuts are quite fast and the cinematography blends a frenetic mix of first person perspective, CG enhanced shots, and just some bat shit crazy stuff which makes the look of the film quite refreshing. As bad as it is, it’s a very entertaining movie and fun to watch.

The nice thing is that it scores really high on the Jam Scale. I’m giving it a big 5 out of 5 for including a very diverse cast of characters. I suppose they play stereotypes, but honestly, I was impressed that it was so diverse.

I enjoyed watching this film. And I got to see it in HD! I had no idea you could rent movies on XBOX Live, but there we were, watching Crank thanks to the 360. This is not a good movie in the sense that it’s light on plot and thin on realism. Mat and I both agree that it’s pretty bad.

But sometimes, you just wanna have sex in the middle of China Town.