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Cloverfield: So Long and Thanks For All the Giant Spider Crab Thingies
Thursday, January 24th, 2008 at 12:34 pm by Jami
Awe… it just wanted a chew toy!
Cloverfield rates decently on the Jam Scale. The main cast is diverse enough for me as are the supporting players. You really get a feel for the people of New York which is quite nice. Shaky cam almost made me nauseous, but I get that way after playing FPS’s for too long anyway. Overall, quite enjoyable.
And now, for my super spoily review!
The movie starts off like something you’d see on the dreaded CW only filmed like something you’d see on eMpTy Vee. Jason and girlfriend Lily are throwing a surprise party for Jason’s brother Rob who has accepted a job in Japan as a Vice President for some unknown company doing whoever the fuck knows what. Rob’s best friend, “Hud,” is tasked with filming the event thereby becoming our eyes for the events that follow. Rob’s not-girlfriend Beth shows up with some random dude and Rob is all upset because even though he neglected to call his not-girlfriend for a month after sleeping with her, he still wants her. Oh, and there’s this chick Marlena who Hud is crushing on whose only apparent purpose in the film is to be sarcastic and snooty and to demonstrate what happens when the Giant Spider Crab Thingies bite you. Beth leaves the party early because Rob is being a dick. And then all hell breaks loose and our afterschool drama turns into a survival pic.
The Meh
I found it difficult to give a shit about the characters, especially Rob, our poor excuse for a protagonist. Hey Rob, when you sleep with your not-girlfriend for a night and then don’t call her for a month, you’re a bag of the douche. Waaa waaa, I’m going to be a VP in Japan so I don’t want to start a new relationship, waaaaa. Get over yourself fucktard. Call the damn not-girlfriend. I mean fuck, if they’re flying you out to Japan, you can afford long-distance. Idiot. This made Rob’s quest for Beth all the more idiotic. What a dumb fuck. First you sleep with her, then you ignore her, and now you risk your life, the life of your best friend, your brother’s girlfriend, and some random chick to save your not-girlfriend. Oh, and let’s not forget your brother got smashed because you held everyone up on the bridge trying to get in touch with your not-girlfriend. Bravo Rob. With a friend like you, who needs a giant monster?
Marlena? Please. Leave her in the alley. She kind of starts to warm up to Hud which is sort of nice for him, but by then I was already tired of her. I will give her credit for the funniest line in the whole thing, “Oh my god, are you aware of Garfield?” But she was not a pleasant person to be around.
I couldn’t relate to these people and found myself cheering on the monster every time it showed up.
Also, Hud’s a bit of an ass. There are just some things you don’t film like your best friend arguing with his not-girlfriend. Okay, so he has to film that kind of thing, otherwise our emotional hook angle won’t work.
The AWESOMES!
As much as I couldn’t relate to the characters, the shaky cam really drew me in. Even though I started to feel pukey, it was an excellent filming choice that really helped me suspend disbelief.
I loved the scene where the National Guard shows up and just unloads every bit of ordinance it has from the street. You could almost feel the heat coming off the bullets as they fired on the monster. Very immersive.
Giant Spider Crab bite FTW! Shitty way to die, all splody and bloody, but it gives the little buggers that much more of an edge.
The monster was great. I wanted to see more steady shots of it, but the way it was revealed was just brilliant. You get little bits of movement here and there and a few long shots, but nothing terribly detailed until the very end. And even then, it’s still hard to make out just what you’re seeing. Poor New York. Godzilla attacked you, that fake Godzilla attacked you, and now this. Someday, New York will go on a rampage. Then we’ll all be sorry.
The ending was fitting. There’s absolutely no way those two could have made it out alive. The ending dialog was a bit cheesy, but ultimately satisfying all around.
I also liked that there are still many questions left unanswered. Not a lot of hand holding here which helped get that much more into the movie. We still don’t know where the monster came from. Okay, sure it came from the water, but did it get dropped there from outer space? Has it always been down there and now just wake up? Why didn’t it go splody? And if it’s not dead yet, where does it go after it’s done with New York? So many questions!
More More More!
I actually want to see another Cloverfield movie. If they never make another one, that’s perfectly fine. This one will have me geeking out and speculating with all my nerdy friends for a very long time. However, I do think there’s a lot more material there to work with that could turn this thing into a proper monster franchise.
Granted, there’s always the danger of over-exposure. The second and third Matrix films really wore out their welcome. But I could stand some more monster action.
It would be interesting to see the events of this movie unfold from the perspective of the troops. I’d like to see overhead maps of the destruction, the path of the monster, the various types of weaponry used, all that good military stuff.
It might be cool to have a movie set a few years after the attack. Is New York still broken? Did the monster move on to other cities? Did it eventually die? Did aliens come on down for a full scale invasion? All sorts of geeky possibilities.
Go See It!
Even with characters that I couldn’t care less for, which is usually a horribly bad sign for a movie, I quite enjoyed Cloverfield and would highly recommend it to monster lovers everywhere. Long live the monster!
