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KUNG FU PORN!

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 at 10:04 pm by Jami

Jet Li vs Jackie Chan

There are two reasons why you’re going to see The Forbidden Kingdom. You want to see Jackie Chan fight Jet Li. You want to see Jet Li fight Jackie Chan. It’s good. It’s damn good. It’s seriously like watching kung fu porn.

I messed my pants multiple times. Crunchy beyond crunchy!

The fight you will pay good money to see fortunately happens fairly early on in the film. Director Rob Minkoff makes the right choice giving us long camera shots that give us the full view of the hardcore man on man action. Jackie and Jet are wicked fucking fast! Words have not been invented that accurately describe what we saw on screen. Seriously, this is the best fight scene I’ve seen in a good god damned time. It is full of the awesome.

The rest of the movie? Well, I absolutely hated the opening and would have walked out if it was any other movie. It’s completely unbelievable and out of tone with the rest of the film. Michael Angarano is the utterly forgettable view point character. Honestly, at points I forgot he was supposed to be our lead. Yifei Lui plays the female lead opposite of Angarano and has the annoying quirk of referring to herself in the third person. The relationship between Lui and Angarano is never quite fully developed which is somewhat of shame since it’s the only reason she’s in the movie. Obviously, there’s a budding romance there, but it just meanders along going no where. They also never kiss. If you’re going to pretend to have a young romance subplot, at least let them freaking kiss. Disappointing.

Collin Chou is brilliant as the Jade Warrior and Bing Bing Li is quite stunning as the younger Bride with White Hair (okay, that’s not her name, but she’s totally the Bride). I just wish there was more of them. Honestly, you get rid of Angarano’s and Lui’s characters and just pit Bin Bin Li and Collin Chou against Jet Li and Jackie Chan, you have a much tighter movie.

However, the things that suck don’t ruin the things that rock. It’s easy enough to ignore the meh because there are plenty of fights peppered throughout. Jet Li’s Monkey King and disgruntled monk are so enjoyable. He also has the absolute best line I’ve ever heard him say ever! NO, FOOL! Jackie Chan’s drunken immortal is absolutely brilliant. If they never work together again, their amazing fight and chemistry together in this film is enough to satisfy any martial arts geek.

You’ll probably want to catch a matinée. But Jet Li vs. Jackie Chan must be seen on a big ass screen. Fact.

[Via Forbidden Kingdom]

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 at 10:04 pm and is filed under Movies, Chop Socky, Kung Fu Masterpiece Theater, Crunchy Pants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

4 Responses to “KUNG FU PORN!”

  1. Avatargreg
    Posted: Apr 23rd, 2008 at 12:26 am
    1

    I saw this last night. I was quite impressed with the movie as a whole, but was bored by the rehash of “wimpy white kid who watches kung-fu movies learns how to fight and kicks bully’s butt” secondary story. I did understand Yifei’s character speaking in the third person as being related to having lost her family and only identifying herself as existing for the purpose of vengeance. And of course, having a modern counterpart was pretty much required. Jet Li and Jackie Chan were both completely awesome. The bad guys were very well done. Other than that, I just want to say that I wish I could have been Michael Angarano.

  2. AvatarWayne
    Posted: Apr 23rd, 2008 at 8:49 am
    2

    We loved it! Caught a matinee Saturday afternoon and thoroughly enjoyed it. No, it’s not on the caliber of CTHD/Hero/House of Flying Daggers, but it’s still worth watching. American production values just can’t make a great kung fu movie, but it’s still worth watching.

    From what I understand, the movie is a cut an epic source, so things like the prior history between the non-Bride With White Hair and Sparrow were probably more fully explained, but not within the scope of this movie.

  3. Avatarbuzzlefett
    Posted: Apr 23rd, 2008 at 10:18 am
    3

    I saw this on opening night and I liked it a lot. I was going to comment on the movie here since this is where I first saw the trailer but I forgot. I’m probably going to see it again. I really enjoy having a bunch of Asian legendary characters thrown into one movie. I was a little worried about the kid who was going to play the westerner but he did pretty good. He was also in Sky High which is a cute Disney movie about a superhero high school. The best part is definitely Jet vs Jackie but that fight is long enough to cancel out any bad things that come about.

    My friends and I were laughing at the fact that Jackie basically has two types of characters that do well in movies. He’s either a drunken master or he’s teamed with some plucky westerner who can’t fight. In this movie he plays both!

  4. AvatarBAMikeyD
    Posted: Apr 24th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
    4

    I know I’m late as hell on commenting on this, but:
    1) I don’t have to worry about matenee I get Military Discount whenever I please.
    2) Yefi Lui is freaking hot. So is Bing Bing Li. I also wish that Bing Bing got more screen time, despite her silly ass name. :P
    3) Why does it seem like all those epic BIG NAME VS BIG NAME wind up sucking so hard? AvP, AvP2… Jason Vs Freddy, SubZero Vs Batman (ok this one doesn’t suck yet but I’m sure it WILL)… Jackie Vs. Jet? Ok. It didn’t suck hard, their fight was awesome, but they could have done such a better MOVIE in general. I hated EVERY SINGLE American (ok… white) actor in this flick. I’m being dead serious. Angarano’s Character grew on me, but mostly because I was trying so hard to NOT hate him. The thugs, lame. The girls from the beginning, lame. The cop at the end, lame. All of them. LAME.

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