Giant Particle Collider Could End Us

Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 at 9:17 am by Jamie

Death Star Explosion

There’s this particle accelerator called the Large Hadron Collider somewhere in Europe that the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) hopes will reveal the secrets of the universe. When activated later this summer, one of two things will happen. One, the collider will produce the Higgs boson which could explain lots of physics stuff that I don’t understand. Two, it could end us. The doomsday theory goes that the collider will produce small black holes that could get out of control and completely destroy Earth. So get those high priced sports cars people. We’ve got until the end of August!

Anyway, reader BonzaiRob sent over this petition to CERN. No, the internet is not calling for CERN to stop. Sure, the collider may make our mud rock go splody, but the internet recognizes that the potential for awesome outweighs the potential for boom. No, the internet wants CERN to mark the occasion with a phrase that will live in infamy!

However, we the undersigned feel something simple will suffice. Upon activating the LHC for the test, we advocate the opening words be “Commence Primary Ignition!”, a call back to the 1977 movie “Star Wars” when the villains destroyed the planet Alderaan with their Death Star…

Further, in the event that the sum total of human knowledge painstakingly amassed over course of history is wrong and the scientific illiterates are correct and this experiment does result in “opening a gate to hell”, “blowing up the planet”, “creating a stargate to another dimension”, or “granting the antichrist newfound powers” etc etc etc then this deliberate link to the destruction of a planet will allow the scientists to claim they knew this would happen and they meant to kill us all the entire time. The ability to still proclaim the experiment a success regardless of the outcome will prove helpful when procuring the necessary funds for the next mega-experiment.

Brilliant!

So far, only 102 people have signed on. Come on people, spread the word! If science ends up doing Skynet’s job for it, we should at least end our existence with some awesome.

[Via LHC Activation Petition]

9 Responses to “Giant Particle Collider Could End Us”

  1. AvatarKevin Bahrt
    1

    If I remember my particle physics right, and it hasn’t changed, the Higgs boson is responsible for creating mass. When graviton moves through a gravity field you get gravity, or possibly a better example is if an electron moves through an electrical field you get electrical energy, so a Higgs boson moving through a Higgs field generates mass. Don’t quote me, that’s from high school physics 3 years ago and we just touched on. I have no idea what applications this would have but I’m sure it would be neat. Besides which, I’m willing to bet that most of us in the scientific community are nerds at heart.

  2. AvatarD-W
    2

    Science wouldn’t be any fun if it couldn’t destroy us all. I think there was another doomsday theory that the collider would generate anti-matter or dark matter or something, and it would cause a chain reaction that would also destroy us all. Here’s hoping something really cool is discovered with the whole world ending side effect.

    On a side note, I don’t remember being taught particle physics when I was in high school, but that was over 10 years ago.

  3. AvatarOne of Many
    3

    If they don’t say it and the planet does blow up, I’m going to be pissed.

    There’s been a few experiments where they thought it might end us in some fashion. I recall a friend’s dad telling me several years ago about an experiment that could cause all atoms to unbound with each or something to that effect. Don’t remember what it was supposed to do, but we’re still here so I guess it was ok. I should go look this up…

  4. AvatarMr Blish
    4

    I visited CERN last year, while the huge LHC was being constructed, and i could see literally why it was the largest machine on earth.

    The muon detector, a gigantic 3 storey high complex of extremely high sensitive equipment is just freaking cool.

    And what does it do?

    detects 4 teeny tiney particles. lol

    Science = WIN.

    On a more serious note, if the particle IS discovered, it could really be a springboard for all science as we know it. For instance, scientists know that roughly the same amount of matter and antimatter was present at the start of the universe, but as star trek rightly (for the few times that it does) says, that they should annihilate each other, and the universe shouldnt exist…so why does it? and this thing will solve it.

    Ultimately it could lead to a good direction for grand unified theory…and then what happens?
    Science becomes (even more, if possible) awsome. thats what.

    Like, what if we found the technology to manipulate gravity? or if we could draw plank energy, sufficient to power a whole star system?

    I repeat, SCIENCE = WIN. :-)

  5. Pingback Pingback:
    5
    Geek-Speak » May the LHC be with you…

    […] I was going to go with “The ability to collide atoms is insignificant next to the power of the Force” but thought it might be a tad long. Anyways, I found this via Angry Zen Master, basically its a petition surrounding the Large Hadron Collider at CERN… and its not an anti-LHC petition: …No doubt the Directorate of CERN will have prepared something similar to match this historic event. […]

  6. AvatarFm
    6

    There another collider in like Ohio or some place and bin around for over 10 years now.No boom (or flush) yet but this is the most advance one and i don’t think they had a fully successful experiment at the old one.what it suppose to do is run 2 molecules along a mile long track (or longer cant recall) and slam them dead on making some kind of reaction but the problem is getting a directly dead on hit is extremely hard.Few things this can tell us is whether or not string theory is correct meaning existence of alternet universe time travel graviton and probable more.I’m going to get stares on time travel aren’t i but it is part of the theory honest.

  7. AvatarSteveMB
    7

    The fools! They LAUGHED at my theories! But after I DESTROY THE WORLD, well, THEY WON’T BE LAUGHING THEN!!! BWAA HA HA HA HA!!!

  8. AvatarJustin
    8

    Wow, people are taking what might be out last few months on Earth rather well.
    At least this happens after MGS4 comes out, I can die to super science knowing the ending of the Solid series.

  9. AvatarBishop
    9

    I just finished a quantum physics class which covered a bit of particle theory, so this is Relevant To My Interests.

    The Higgs boson is an elementary particle whose existence would give evidence for something called Gauge symmetry, which basically means that certain Unified Theory predictions about the different types of elementary particles are correct. The Higgs boson, as Kevin said, is predicted to be a “mass-giving” particle, similar to the other bosons which are “force-giving” particles that travel between masses to create the electromagnetic, strong (nuclear binding), and weak (nuclear decay) forces. There’s supposed to be a graviton (gravity force particle) too, but like the Higgs boson it has not yet been directly observed and, because of the relative weakness of gravity, probably never WILL.

    The discovery of the Higgs boson does not prove string theory!

    String theory and other Grand Unified Theories (which don’t all necessarily unify gravity with the other three forces) predict the Higgs boson, but that’s only circumstantial evidence. Physicists still aren’t even sure HOW to test a number of the predictions of string theory (11-ish dimensions, direct evidence of strings, etc.). Some of the predictions might be simply impossible to observe directly.

    Read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lhc#Safety_concerns for the basic info on the major doomsday scenarios for the LHC and why they very probably won’t happen.

Close
E-mail It