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Goonies All Growed Up

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 at 12:56 pm by Jamie

Goonies 2
Picture via /Film

Thanks to AZM Ally Mike Dent for the news that there is, in fact, a Goonies 2 in the works starring the original cast.

I imagine the meeting went something like this.

Bob, a downtrodden junior studio executive, walks into Dick’s office, his demanding boss. Dick has been hounding Bob for new movie ideas to fill up the 2009 slate and Bob is at his wits end.

Dick, “So, Bob. What have you got for me?”

Bob, “Well… to tell you the truth–”

“Look, you sad sack of day old whale sperm! I’m not interested in excuses! I want results! Now I’ve asked you pitch some ideas to finish out our 2009 slate and all I’ve heard is excuses! I want a pitch and I want it fucking now or you’re fucking out of here!”

In a panic, Bob searches the dark places of his brain for any remotely filmable idea. The Small Wonder adaptation that his friends always joked about, the Showgirls prequel that he thinks of when he gets lazy thinking of things to masturbate to, the Uwe Boll Story that his nephew pitched to him in a haze of pot smoke. Suddenly, an image from the Corey Feldman softcore porn he watched in a drunken haze last night flashes in his mind and without thinking, he blurts out, “GOONIES 2!”

Bob’s eyes flash.

“Goonies? 2?”

“Well… um… it’s just a… ah… concept. I mean, we could–”

“Goonies fucking 2?”

Dick menacing face inches closer to Bob. Suddenly, Dick throws a triumphant fist in the air.

“Goonies fuck 2! That’s fucking brilliant! You’re fucking brilliant! That’s what I’m talking about, Bob! That’s what I want! Real innovation. Fucking genius!”

“I, um… huh? Are you serious?”

“I’ve never been more serious! We’ll get right on it!”

“Uh, okay. I think.”

And with that, Bob leaves Dick’s office resigned to the fact that his weakness will result in the butchering of one of his favorite childhood movies. Bob trudges off head hung low to the local bar for what promises to be a night of drowning his sorrows in debaucherous stupor.

[Via Heckler Spray]

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 at 12:56 pm and is filed under Dumb Ass, Movies, Remix. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

2 Responses to “Goonies All Growed Up”

  1. AvatarJack T Robyn
    Posted: Aug 6th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
    1

    And there he meets the two Coreys, already two fifths and an ounce in apiece.
  2. AvatarDaVincisGhost
    Posted: Aug 7th, 2008 at 7:32 am
    2

    Sorry to disappoint Jamie, but Corey Feldman claimed on his blog yesterday that he hasn’t heard anything about a Goonies 2 Movie. It could be a good thing since the script that has been floating around the internet since 2004 is a steaming pile that could successfully destroy all my fond childhood memories of the original movie.
    On the other hand, in 2007 Sean Astin said in an interview that the movie had a green light and I’ve heard that last week people in Astoria, Oregon (where Goonies was filmed) claimed that Spielberg and the original cast would be arriving in town soon to film the sequel.
    So I guess that if the movie is actually going to be made, either Corey Feldman is lying or Mouth won’t be in it. If it’s not being made, Sean Astin was joking (like Josh Brolin did in an interview a few years back) and the people in Astoria were just trying to revive the tourist industry.
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