Thank God Hanukkah Isn’t XTREMEMAS

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009 at 10:56 am by Jamie

Every year in the DC area, 97.1 WASH-FM plays “Holiday” music from Thanksgiving all the way up until XTREMEMAS on December 25. I put Holiday in quotes because it really means “Christmas” music. Oh sure, Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah song might sneak in every once in a while when a DJ is feeling guilty not being able to find any other holiday with as much shitty easy listening music as XTREMEMAS, but if you’re hankering for “Christmas” music, 97.1 will provide.

I’ve always kind of felt bad for Jews that there wasn’t more Hanukkah stuff around this time of year. But seeing just how fucked up XTREMEMAS is these days, I’m actually kind of happy for Jews. No other holiday has been raped, pillaged, and generally fucked in the eye more than XTREMEMAS. For fuck’s sake, there were XTREMEMAS decorations out in stores in fucking August and September! SEPFUCKINGTEMBER! Kids aren’t thinking about fat Santa. Parents aren’t thinking about XTREMEMAS lists. They’re going back to school! Let them go to school for a month or two before you hit them over the head with your fucking Yule logs!

XTREMEMAS fucking sucks. It’s not about peace. It’s not about joy. It’s not about family. It’s not about love. It’s about buying a whole mess of shit that you don’t really fucking want. And you can’t really help yourself because every fucking day from the middle of August to December stores are flooding your brains with talk of XTREMEMAS lists and getting gifts for your loved ones. But they’re not really gifts. They’re just packages of shit that will clog up your loved one’s small apartment.

It used to not suck. It used to be Christmas. Decorations used to come out right after Thanksgiving. A Christmas Carol or the latest version of it would play in the theaters or on television sometime in December. Black Friday, Cyber Monday, fucking buy some more shit Wednesday used to just be days after Turkey Day when you’d try to stay awake at work after stuffing your face full of foods all day.

This Thanksgiving, I was thankful for Hanukkah. And to a lesser extend, Kwanzaa. And basically every other religion’s holidays that aren’t XTREMEMAS. These other holy celebrations retain much of their reverence and spiritual significance. Whereas Christmas somehow got broken along the way, these holy days have managed to stay out of the greedy little green eyes of marketers and ad execs looking for that extra buck. I hope they stay that way. And I hope someday Christians will take XTREMEMAS back away from the commercial outlets and restore Christmas to its proper place.

‘Cause this shit is ridiculous. ‘Cause if I see a fucking XTREMEMAS tree next fucking August, I’m punching someone in their uvula. Probably the store manager. And their corporate manager. And their company President. All of them. Punched uvulas all. Fuck.

17 Responses to “Thank God Hanukkah Isn’t XTREMEMAS”

  1. AvatarDrezz
    1

    There’s no such thing as Santa Claus – he’s a corporate puppet and a shill.

    Is it just me, or has Christmas become even more commercial than ever since 2000? It seems like this new millennium has turned seasonal retail into a ultra-greed-whore calendar.

    It starts with
    - New Year’s blowout sales
    - Valentine’s Day
    - Easter
    - Summer Holidays
    - Independence Day
    - Back to School
    - Halloween
    - Thanksgiving
    - Black Friday/Cyber Monday
    - Christmas

    And the sad thing is, the lines are totally blurred when it comes to selling for those holidays. I used to work at a K-Mart EONS ago, and they had a Christmas in July sale where they sold off all their Christmas shit overstock – and people ate it up.

    Smart consumers can avoid the cheap marketing ploys. Its the mindless masses you have to watch out for. That’s why I bought all my gifts for XTREMEMAS early – that way I don’t have to wade through the dregs of society and their snot-nosed offspring to buy an already overpriced item that had its price raised only to be put on SALE! for the same price it was 3 months prior.

    eff you capitalist peegs

  2. AvatarMax
    2

    Ahem. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSPGJ5-XAcM This is 50 years old and still applies.

  3. AvatarKevin
    3

    New Years blowout actually makes sense since it’s for tax reasons not something related to holidays. Sometime around then, the stores get hit with their property tax for unsold goods, hence the desire to sell it. And what’s this about useless crap? I always get new clothes and computer parts that I would have bought anyway.

  4. AvatarKunoichi
    4

    You know, you could just ignore it. Christmas hasn’t really changed for me in my lifetime. Well, except for things that are huge to me (Christmas with the husband’s family instead of mine), but the core doesn’t change.

    Yes, I buy gifts for loved ones every year. It’s not an ordeal. I wait until after Thanksgiving simply because I consider buying Christmas gifts before then too tactical in nature for the holidays! I don’t seek sales. I seek gifts that will make them happy. I love getting them gifts. I’ve never given a gift that would just “clutter up” their home. Even years when for one reason or another I was shopping on Dec. 22, I wasn’t stressed about it. I love having an excuse to get them gifts.

    I love making my culture’s traditional holiday foods. I love sharing them with my loved ones. It’s even better if I can make them with a few of those loved ones.

    I’m not a Christian anymore, but I still love the traditional carols and hymns the best. It’s a day of blessing and love, and for that you can be any religion. When I go home for Christmas, I go to Midnight Mass despite not having been Catholic since I was 10.

    It would be nice if companies would calm down a little, and be a little more diverse, but it doesn’t affect how I approach the holiday season. You should ignore the hype too, and just enjoy the holidays how you want to. If your friends and family find “stuff” a nuisance, then just spend extra time with them, or make them food, or get them tickets to a show they want to see. If you don’t want people troubling themselves with shopping on your account, ask them that if they just *must* give you something, they donate to a charity like Child’s Play instead. If you don’t like what the radio plays during this time of year, well it’s the Age of the iPod isn’t it?

    Relax, enjoy, and ignore the unimportant things that upset you. And that goes year round. :)

  5. AvatarTyler
    5

    I wholeheartedly believe that society’s over saturation of Christmas is what causes so many people like me to loathe the season. Working in retail at a GameStop as I do, I detest having to work on Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Digital Tuesday, Analog Wednesday or any of these other ridiculously named not-holidays. People seem to be at their most idiotic and it only gets worse as our proximity to Christmas shortens. Case in point: on Black Friday someone actually walked into my store and asked if we sold video games. Of course we do we’re a fucking GameStop! What are we going to sell? Lingerie?

    Christmas doesn’t mean anything anymore in a lot of households. It’s not about giving it’s about getting, it’s not about from the heart it’s about from the wallet. Call me overly pessimistic, bit it’s all I see anymore.

  6. Avatardavid
    6

    Meh, meaning or no meaning; I was always in for the gifts and I think I still am.

    I want all those new perfect grades
    A few revoltechs
    some Figuarts
    a leaher Jacket
    a PS3
    and a new iPod.

    I also hope that you are all ready and waiting for the Arival of that bloodthristy robot only known as santa.

    better board up your windows and door, lock up your children and say goodbye to your pets.

    Merry X-mas and to all a wonderful life( if Santa doesn’t get ya).

  7. AvatarHamstadini
    7

    “And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. He said to them, “It is written, ‘my house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you make it a den of robbers.” (Matthew 21:12 – 13, English Standard Version)

    I wonder what he would say about Christmas?

  8. AvatarFmF
    8

    I remember making a joke way back about how the Christmas shopping will start on January first cause that year it seemed Christmas ate thanksgiving.I would like to see them try to market Hanukkah.The new and improve turbo draddle 3 with twice as much spinning power as the turbo draddle 2 get it or your kids will hate you forever.Christmas bin commercialism ever since i can remember.It really became about what you buy instead of love and peace on earth.So If you want to cut the crap just buy limited gifts for family member and very close friends,volunteer at a soup kitchen every sun day of December,have a small feast on Christmas day and snuggle up to a love one wile sipping eggnog wile watching It’s A Wonderful Life or Tokyo God Fathers.

  9. AvatarKevin
    9
  10. AvatarStephen
    10

    I’d say something, but Jackson Browne really said it better than I could. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEC7d5jbAbo
    Happy Afflux, everybody.

  11. AvatarSamuraiartguy
    11

    Blessed Solstice, Brother. Mitaquye Oyasin

    That said, the pressure to secularize Christmas into SUPER SHOP FEST is deafening. You may have noticed that all the “Christmas” music on the air and in the stores is the secular Pop stuff… very little carols or religious music. Jesus’s Birthday? Pshaw! SANTA rules. We can’t have people in CHURCH, they need to be out there SHOPPING or our merchantile, material, capitalist consumer society may fucking IMPLODE.

    Old rantage circa 2005 here… http://samuraiartguy.livejournal.com/73471.html

    And even being a PAGAN, I still feel that Jesus, and the Macabees and the Tree Worshipers, and Wiccans, and anybody with a spiritual flicker in their hearts are all getting the short end of the stick versus the marketeers…

  12. Avatardavid
    12

    Welcome to capitalism everyone, sadly its the way it is on a money driven society; we can all fix this by doing random acts of kindness( everyday all year not just Christmas), volunteer at a shelter, distribute blankets and cold Gear to the homeless, organize a charity, invite someone that has less than you to dinner,find someone in need and give to them; if we all do this we can have the satisfaction that at least we have not forgotten the true meaning of this season.

    On that note a super art fight and charity auction comes to mind, I am not as talented as you guys but would join you just for good spitrits and the plain satisfaction of helping others that need it more than me.

  13. AvatarLurklen
    13

    I dunno to those who Christmas has spiritual meaning too, little has changed they still go to church on Christmas day, they still sing hymnals on Christmas eve. And all the other traditions that Christians think should happen on Christmas. My aunt and uncle have a religious Christmas and still do the gift thing without going overboard, my family on the other hand thinks of Christmas as a time to get my rather large family together and show we care about each other. Some times that means big gifts but the rule of thumb is it’s the thought that counts.

    So really like most holidays it’s what you make of it, I don’t have a single bad Christmas or thanksgiving memory. On the other hand my mother left her husband on Valentines day…. twice.

  14. AvatarJamie
    14

    @david, we have done a few charity events. Last year’s 24/hr SAF was for a local charity up in Westminster. The pieces we do at Katsucon every year go to the charity auction. This past Tuesday’s piece was auctioned off for charity. I think as we build more as an organization we can schedule more of these types of events. It’s a good idea. I’ll mention it to the gang when we meet up.

  15. Avatardavid
    15

    this is good Jami, also it doesn’t necessarily have to be an art fight you guys can volunteer at a shelter or have a food drive or whatever. also to all of you here who have commented, its good to see that there are still people in this world who still care about the true meaning of Christmas,it restores a little bit of my faith in humanity.

  16. AvatarJamys_Oneil
    16

    This is why I celebrate Festivus

  17. Avatardavid
    17

    @ Jamys, LOL my friend and i actually thought of actually doing that this year, now where did I put that darn pole.