21 More Reasons For Fakebender to Suck It

Whenever I speak about the Shitbender movie that opens this week, my language skills devolve to the level of a fifth-grader who just learned about swear words. There are brief moments of clarity when I can actually form a cogent argument, but those quickly give way to me raving about like a mad lunatic screaming “FUCK FUCKING FUCK SHITASS STEREOTYPICAL HOLLYWOOD SHIT LICKERS!” Fortunately, there are Asians like Prince Gomolvilas who can form arguments without the use of colorful invectives.

Now I had no idea 21 was based off of the greatest work of Asian American literature. I was almost tempted to actually pay full price to see that in the theater. But something came up and now I’m glad I did not support that film.

If you decide to go to the theater this weekend, please avoid the Shitbending. There are some lovely alternatives out there. Toy Story 3 is still kicking strong. I have yet to see but it has Totoro which makes it instantly win my heart always. Karate Kid is still around and although I still have misgivings about the title, I’d much rather support Jaden and Jackie than Fakeshiter. Another Sparkly Lameass Vampire Shit Fest opens this week which actually gives me hope that it will knock Assbended out of the top spot for the holiday weekend. I hesitate to say this on purpose, but Crapbender is a far greater evil in my book than wussy vampires. There’s also that ill conceived Shrek business and that comic book movie starring Megan Fox’s weird ass toe thumbs.

Hmm… You know what, unless you’re seeing Toy Story 3, this weekend might be a good one to catch up on some Netflix. I predict Sparkles, A Shitty Vampire Tale will take number one with Toy Story 3 hot on its heels and Rotting-festering-corpse-of-something-that-could-have-been-good-but-will-never-be-bender will limp in at number three.