Elvira is You, Except With Bigger Tits

When I was 6 I had a Fisher Price Record Player and for some reason the Oak Ridge Boy’s country hit single “Elvira” that I played over and over again. The song is repetitive to begin with, but when played incessantly by a 6 year old it borders on brainwashing. Fast forward a couple years, I was at the state fair playing that carnival game where you pop a balloon with a dart and win a small framed poster, when low and behold I popped the Mistress of the Dark balloon. That picture I won was my prized possession until it “fell off the wall” when my Mom was cleaning. Granted it was probably inappropriate for an 8 year old to be exposed to that much cleavage, but I’m still a little bitter. Even though my precious was taken away from me, the damage was already done, so began a life long obsession with Cassandra Peterson…and boobs in general. I’d continue but I’m late for an appointment my psychiatrist.