If This Leaked Script is to be Believed, Even Naming it Steve Won’t Save Akira

AZM Ally Henry Marx sent over word that Cracked got ahold of the script for Steve that brought this movie out of development hell. We’ve heard rumors of a live action movie for years, but this is the treatment that got producers excited enough to start floating casting rumors and all that other bullshit. So what got these guys so excited for a live action version of an animated Japanese classic? Here are some highlights:

  • Kaneda and Tetsuo are now brothers.
  • They are in their 30s.
  • Kaneda is an underground doctor. Tetsuo is a washed out drug addict.
  • The rebels are fighting against an evil corporation known as The Foundation.
  • The Foundation supplies the general population with personal ID chips called SubQ ID and uses them to create a consumer’s paradise.
  • Akira is a creepy psychic kid who walks around with a stuffed bear and creepily whistles childhood songs while randomly murdering people with his mind.
  • Kei is now Ky and is mostly eye candy for Kaneda and the audience to ogle.

Oh. My. Fuck.

Avatar Facepalm

Out of all the shitty things I’ve ever read in my life, I can’t believe this is the one that convinced producers that a live action Akira would be a good fucking idea. This doesn’t sound anything like the original film nor the manga. Did anyone involved in this travesty even watch the original? Or even read the manga? Or have their teenage daughter explain it to them? WHAT THE FLYING FUCK!

You know what, I no longer care how they cast this fucking turd. It’s probably better that no Asians will be involved because when it fails I don’t want to give Hollywood any excuse for blaming the failure on their decision to cast Asians as the leads. The cast doesn’t matter if the story is dreck. Even if this wasn’t based on a property that I loved dearly, it still sounds like rotted shit. If this is really what it’s going to be like, you can have your sparkly vampire star as a lead.

Of course, this could all be bullshit. If this leak is legit, it’s not the actual final deal. There may have been some alterations, fixes, touch ups, hopefully a mess of rewrites. So it’s possible that my initial outrage is all for nothing. I’d like to hope so because this sounds like all sorts of lazy Hollywood cliches all mixed into one big bowl of festering shit.

Source: Cracked