I Guess Calling a 9-Year-Old a Cunt is Satire?


I’ve been staring at this fucking thing for hours trying to suss out the humor in calling a nine-year-old just nominated for Best Actress a cunt.  The only thing I can figure is that Quvenzhane Wallis is such an adorable sweetheart that calling her anything but is obviously a joke.  I guess?


Even in our enlightened new millennium, women deal with sexism on a near daily basis.  Women in the public eye, even more so.  I kind of get that the Onion was making fun of the culture that gets so wrapped up in the gossipy he said/she said bullshit of Hollywood and award shows, but this thoughtless quip of a tweet comes off as just more malicious gossip.  Also, Quvenzhane is nine!  She’s not even a woman yet and she has to deal with this bullshit!

The fucked up thing is that this kind of shit is just going to get worse as Quvenzhane gets older.  The more movies she stars in, the more she’s in the spotlight, the more haters will throw shade at her.  It’s sad to think that cunt may be one of the more tame things she’ll be called.  So I guess in some way, the Onion’s little joke is a fucked up introduction to things that are to come.  But I’m sure she has the strength to ignore the haters and just go on being as awesome as she is.

Really disappointed in the Onion.

UPDATE: The Onion Apologizes

The Onion issued a statement apologizing to Quvenzhane.  I’ll quote:

Dear Readers,

On behalf of The Onion, I offer my personal apology to Quvenzhané Wallis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the tweet that was circulated last night during the Oscars. It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting.

No person should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire.

The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication. We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again.

In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible.

Miss Wallis, you are young and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Onion are deeply sorry.


Steve Hannah
The Onion

Very classy, Onion.  And now I find sick humor in the fact that a CEO named Steve has to apologize for an employee being a shithead.