Porn stars plus D&D should equal major amounts of awesome. Right?

The thing is, watching someone else playing D&D is deadly boring. I mean, sure, it helps that they’re porn stars and strippers and they’re cute even with their clothes on. But if you came across a random video of a group of random cute girls rolling dice to create their characters, you might just keep on flipping. I suspect that future episodes of I Hit it With My Axe may be more entertaining since we’ll probably get to see some actual dungeoning and dragoning and less character creation. Character creation is boring anyway.

Although, I have to admit, Sasha Grey’s line at the end, “So I’m just kinda sitting here sucking. So I guess some of you guys are used to watching that” was fucking gold.

Alright, so when are we gonna have a reality series with a bunch of porn stars drawing web comics?!

Source: The Escapist

UPDATE: Ah crap! There was a comment that got sent to the spam folder from someone from the group who draws a webcomic but it got deleted! Please comment again so we can all check it out.

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We’ve got a new Street Fighter in town, the Turkish Yağlı güreş wrestler Hakan. Apparently, in this style of wrasslin’ the wrasslers lube up with olive oil and go to it. As creepy as this fucker is, I kind of like the design. He almost reminds me of a Japanese Tengu yokai.

Still, seriously gross!

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So epically manly!

No matter what gender you are, I believe that playing this game will either put hair on your chest or make your head explode. Or both. Probably both. This is Hokuto no Ken (Fist of the North Star) Musou style. The same company that turned Gundam into a Dynasty Warriors type game is doing the same with Hokuto no Ken.

DO WANT!

It’s coming to the PS3 and 360. Hopefully we’ll get a US version that we can all drool over. Hell, they released the Gundam Musou here and no one likes giant robots in America. I’m thinking releasing Fist of the North Star is a no brainer.

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Here we are stuck in blizzard part two and all the local news channels are starting to run stories about what you can do to occupy you’re time while you’re snowed in so you don’t get depressed. And they give you bullshit advice like do some yoga, clean out your garage, get an early start on your taxes. Clearly, they are talking to robots. Were they compiling a list for actual people, it would have much more exciting suggestions. So for the benefit of those Angry Zen Minions who are snowed in, I’ve compiled my own list of truly epic things you can do while snowed in.

1. It
   
   Sex is a great activity that serves multiple functions in cold weather. It keeps you warm. You can do it even if you’ve lost power. It’s more fun that doing yoga. Of course, this requires a partner so if you’re not snowed in with your significant other, sex is slightly more difficult.
2. Geeky Movie Marathon
   
   There are three geeky movie franchises that are perfect for snowy days, Star Trek, Star Wars, and Lord of the Rings:
   • Star Trek
     Clocking in at eleven movies, you can witness Rick Berman destroy the even/odd Star Trek movie rule as the Next Generation cast takes over. Why they let this fucker destroy Star Trek as we know it, we’ll never know.
   • Star Wars
     Clocking in at six movies, you can witness George Lucas stumble around the first three episodes and completely lose the spirit of the original three that made Star Wars the stuff of geek legend. The prequels are the biggest argument against CG and digital filming. Sure, the shit looks pretty, but they can’t make a shitty movie any better.
   • Lord of the Rings
     Clocking in at only three movies, this fantasy franchise may seem like a light weight compared with the previous two. But with each movie running for about three hours if you’ve got the proper extended versions, that’s a good six nine hour block of homoerotic bromance right there!
3. That Final Fantasy Game You Still Haven’t Beaten Yet
   
   Everyone’s got that one Final Fantasy game that they never finished. Either you got bored with it or lost it or had to get dinner at some point, whatever the reason, there’s a Final Fantasy game sitting on your shelf that misses you dearly. When you’re snowed in for an entire week, you’ve got the time to grind it out and finally put that fantasy to rest. For me, it’s FF IX. It’s been far too long for me to pick up where I was so I guess it’s time to start from the beginning.
4. Tokusatsu Marathon
   
   There may be a handful of Angry Zen Minions out there who have yet to check out a Kamen Rider or Super Sentai show. Now’s the perfect time! All episodes of Kamen Rider Decade are up on the YouTubes fully subtitled for those who don’t know the Japanese. Samurai Sentai Shinkenger just ended and all the episodes are up there as well. Decade runs 31 episodes, Shinkenger runs 49 episodes, so there’s plenty of tokusatsu goodness to keep you occupied.
5. Reread Your Favorite Webcomic From the Very Beginning
   
   This works best if you have power, internet, and a webcomic on your reading list that has been running for years. It’s always fun to take some time and start from the beginning to see where your favorite webcomic has been and how much they’ve grown over the years. And reading through the entire archive will knock off a few hours of any day. Girls With Slingshots, Johnny Wander, DAR, Applegeeks are all great comics to read from the very start because they’ve grown so much over the years.
6. Neighborhood Wide Snowball Fight
   
   If you twitter it, they will come. Already our area has experienced a few neighborhood wide snowball fights. All you gotta do is send out a big ass twitter message and people will retweet that shit and show up. Just be careful if you do it in DC cause cops do in fact bring guns to a snowball fight.
7. Recode Your Blog so it Doesn’t Suck So Bad
   
   I’ve been meaning to update AZM for the longest time. I did a survey of readers sometime early last year and always meant to get a proper redesign going. Of course, between then and now I’ve been working on a few other projects so the redesign kind of fell by the wayside. And if I wasn’t busy drawing comics right now during this SNOMG, I would indeed be working on a proper redesign. But yes, this is the perfect time to code a new blog for yourself if you’ve got one.

So there you go, seven geeky things that should keep you occupied until the blizzard passes and the city digs itself out. Which will be never because we don’t know how to deal with this much damn snow. Feel free to add to the list. It looks like we’re gonna be here for a good long while.

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It’s exclusive to Japan!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

This trailer for the Street Fighter IV anime that AZM Ally Mike Dent sent along is pretty fucking sweet. Who knew Juni had awesome Akira powers? Gonzo does it again. So many awesome things about this except for the fact that WE DON’T GET IT! WAI!!! Oh so sad. I guess it’s up to the fansubbers to bring this awesomeness to us bootleg style.

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I complain quite a lot about Hollywood’s penchant for White washing films. But then they go ahead and do something completely fucked that makes me kinda scratch my head. You may notice Rick Yune up there on the box art for the direct-to-dvd film Alone in the Dark 2 sent to me by AZM Ally Jason Chu. Those of you who had the misfortune of seeing the first film will recall that Christian Slater starred as Edward Carnby in the first one. Now being very clever you, like me, might assume that Rick Yune is playing a different character in the sequel. After all, he is not Christian Slater. Doesn’t look like Christian Slater, doesn’t sound like Christian Slater, probably doesn’t command as big a pay check as Christian Slater. There is nothing Christian Slater about Rick Yune so by transitive property, there is nothing Edward Carnby about Rick Yune.

I see what you did there with your brain meats. If a=b and c≠b, then a≠c, right? Wrong. This is Hollywood in which a and c equal whatever the fuck they want them to equal. Rick Yune stars as Edward Carnby, the same character portrayed by Christian Slater. It’s Yellow Washing! I mean, really. What the fuck, can’t you find a random White dude that kinda looks like Christian Slater?

Now granted, in the grand scheme of things, direct-to-dvd films hardly rank equal importance to big budget features. But I can no longer, in good conscious, claim that Hollywood is always out to intentionally screw minorities. While it’s true that there are more readily apparent examples of White washing major motion pictures, this seemingly random case of Yellow washing makes me think that Hollywood is just plain dumb. I still think there’s an unspoken preference for White actors in Hollywood. Just a brief glance at the shit that’s in theaters right now can serve as evidence of that. But that might stem from sheer idiocy rather than a deep seeded underlying racism.

Then again, there’s the case of Extraordinary Measures. Harrison Ford plays Dr. Robert Stonehill. Turns out the movie is based on a real life case with a real life doctor who is Asian, Dr. Yuan-Tsong. Is this a case of straight White washing or is it something else entirely? Casting Harrison Ford is certainly the draw for this film. Without his star power, would anyone give a shit about this movie? For my money, Brendan Fraser alone just doesn’t cut it. Could this film have stood on plot alone? Could they have cast an Asian as Dr. Yuan-Tsong and still have had a decent box office opening? Is this a movie about the actors or a movie about the plot? Haven’t seen it so I can’t really make a judgment, but I think this story is compelling enough that casting no-name or lesser known actors could have worked. Of course, then it would have probably been in indy theaters where no one would see the thing.

There is another possibility. Perhaps Hollywood is both.

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AZM Ally Mike Dent sent along the trailer for the new live-action Tekken film which hits DVD shelves in the UK in March. It has Yoshimitsu in it. I will watch this. I’m not entirely certain it will be able end the fighting video game movie curse as I expect the plot will be razor thin. But who gives a fuck. It’s got YOSHIMITSU!

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AZM Ally Jason Chu sent along a link to a review of a flash game called Ching Chong Beautiful. Again with the Ching Chong? What the hell! It’s the new millennium! Can’t you come up with a better fucking discriminatory phrase? Besides, you’re making fun of the wrong Asians assholes! And don’t give me the argument, “Oh, it’s totally a meta joke! See, they don’t even know they’re making fun of Japanese because they think all Asian are the same and that’s funny right? Right?” No, no, fucking no.

Ching Chong Beautiful takes the premise of Japanese games shows and repurposes it in the form of a side scrolling platform game. Fair enough. Indeed, it seems that a great many Japanese game shows are inspired by side scrolling platform games. The concept in and of itself is a win. But then why go the extra mile and slap on a racial invective? And a wrong one at that! Ching chong refers to the way the Chinese language sounds to non-Chinese speakers. It’s rarely used to describe anything Japanese. Why not come up with a nonsensical name like Super Fun Running Cheese? Japanese game show names rarely make sense. A silly name would have been perfect for a game like this. You still incorporate the Japanese game show aspect without throwing around any racial slurs.

I wonder why this kind of thing is still tolerated in the new millennium. SNL did their ching chong sketch. Miley Cyrus and Tobey Keith busted out the chinky eye. What the fuck. Is it because there are no militant Asian American activists groups out there with guns and shit? Is it because people think that Asian Americans are harmless and therefore perfect targets? Do people think we don’t mind? Are we still considered the silent minority?

It’s annoying to think that this is the kind of shit we have to look forward to in 2010.

Source: Escapist Magazine

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This is a demonstration of a potential application for the PicoP Display Engine. The PicoP is the box thing that strapped to the top of the gun. I have to say, as far as FPS innovation goes, this is probably as far as you’re gonna go without actually giving someone an assault rifle and throwing them out in a field somewhere. It’s a little disconcerting because there doesn’t appear to be any force feedback in the rifle, but I’m just nit picking. This shit is pretty cool and if I had a long enough blank wall in my condo, I could definitely see playing ODST like this.

Here’s a boring ass explanation of the technology behind this demo:

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Three years ago, Shawn Handyside asked me to contribute a post card illustration for a Childsplay fundraiser he wanted to start. Since then, his now annual Webcomic Holiday Postcard Fundraiser has expanded to include work from thirteen of the most insane webcomic artists on the net. New to this year’s line up is Chris Malone of Blue and Blond, H. Caldwell Tanner of LOLDWELL.com, Steve Napierski of Dueling Analogs, and Tina PrattThe Paul Reveres.

Head on over to the Webcomic Holiday Postcard Fundraiser site to check out all the postcard packs you can purchase. All the proceeds go directly to Childsplay which has already raised $1,010,680 as of this writing.

Thanks, Shawn. You make us webcomic folk seem less like the assholes that we usually are!

Source: Webcomic Holiday Postcard Fundraiser

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