There are two reasons why you’re going to see The Forbidden Kingdom. You want to see Jackie Chan fight Jet Li. You want to see Jet Li fight Jackie Chan. It’s good. It’s damn good. It’s seriously like watching kung fu porn.

I messed my pants multiple times. Crunchy beyond crunchy!

The fight you will pay good money to see fortunately happens fairly early on in the film. Director Rob Minkoff makes the right choice giving us long camera shots that give us the full view of the hardcore man on man action. Jackie and Jet are wicked fucking fast! Words have not been invented that accurately describe what we saw on screen. Seriously, this is the best fight scene I’ve seen in a good god damned time. It is full of the awesome.

The rest of the movie? Well, I absolutely hated the opening and would have walked out if it was any other movie. It’s completely unbelievable and out of tone with the rest of the film. Michael Angarano is the utterly forgettable view point character. Honestly, at points I forgot he was supposed to be our lead. Yifei Lui plays the female lead opposite of Angarano and has the annoying quirk of referring to herself in the third person. The relationship between Lui and Angarano is never quite fully developed which is somewhat of shame since it’s the only reason she’s in the movie. Obviously, there’s a budding romance there, but it just meanders along going no where. They also never kiss. If you’re going to pretend to have a young romance subplot, at least let them freaking kiss. Disappointing.

Collin Chou is brilliant as the Jade Warrior and Bing Bing Li is quite stunning as the younger Bride with White Hair (okay, that’s not her name, but she’s totally the Bride). I just wish there was more of them. Honestly, you get rid of Angarano’s and Lui’s characters and just pit Bin Bin Li and Collin Chou against Jet Li and Jackie Chan, you have a much tighter movie.

However, the things that suck don’t ruin the things that rock. It’s easy enough to ignore the meh because there are plenty of fights peppered throughout. Jet Li’s Monkey King and disgruntled monk are so enjoyable. He also has the absolute best line I’ve ever heard him say ever! NO, FOOL! Jackie Chan’s drunken immortal is absolutely brilliant. If they never work together again, their amazing fight and chemistry together in this film is enough to satisfy any martial arts geek.

You’ll probably want to catch a matinée. But Jet Li vs. Jackie Chan must be seen on a big ass screen. Fact.

[Via Forbidden Kingdom]

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Back when I first heard about The Forbidden Kingdom, I wrote it off as a shitty attempt to Americanize Journey to the West.

I was wrong.

Witness epic Kung-Fu featuring Jet Li and Jackie Chan kicking quite a lot of ass.

Did anyone else see a Bride With White Hair in there? This is indeed going to be epic.

Thanks to reader Justin Davis for showing me the err of my ways. Here’s another trailer with more kick assery.

And for all you video nuts out there, you can do your own remix of the trailer over here. If any of you do, let me know so I can link it up and pimp you out.

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I’ve tracked down some more information on what promises to be the best martial arts flick this year! FACT!

Chocolate is directed by Prachya Pinkaew, the same man behind Ong Bak and Tom Yum Goong (The Protector), and stars newcomer Nicharee “Jeeja” Vismistananda. Jeeja plays an autistic girl who sets off on a mission to collect debts owed to her mother. She can do this, you see, because she’s learned martial arts by watching Bruce Lee flicks while munching on, what else, chocolate candies. It doesn’t get much better than this!

Oh, and here’s a higher quality trailer that you should show everyone you know.

[Via Twitch]

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Reader Dave Reimer sent this trailer along and wow! Just wow! FACT! This movie is apparently called Chocolate and I MUST SEE IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! Looks like it’s from the same production company behind Ong Bak. If anyone has any more information on this thing, please please pass it along. I must see this in the theater somewhere even if I have to doggy paddle all the way to Thailand!

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No official word on exactly which platform Street Fighter IV is hitting, but good money’s on both of the next gen systems and probably arcades if you can still find one. Though the graphics are clearly better, faster, and quite stronger (just look at Ryu’s mighty wang!), the game play will retain its six button 2D feel. Awesome! It just wouldn’t be Street Fighter without quarter-circle punch.

Along with the announcement of the new game comes this really sexy trailer.

You know, as awesome as this trailer is, Ryu telegraphs that Hadouken like a mother! It’s a wonder he lands that technique on anyone. Astronauts in the International Space Station can see that wind up.

[Via 1up and GameVideos]

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When you’ve got YouTube!

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NEVER DIE!

I saw a man wearing a Cobra Kai hoodie in Metro Sttaion as I was making my way to the Red Line after work and the cares of the day simply melted into nothing. And all I could do was start strutting up the stairs like a complete moron while this song played in my brain meats:

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Nelly and the Torso Boy sent this over and I haven’t had a chance to post it until now. Voila!

This is a great instructional video. I don’t know how many times I’ve faced chainsaw wielding asshats with no clue as to how to defend myself. Now I know. And knowing is half the battle!

Chainsaw FTW!

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The great Dave “Torso Boy” Reimer sent this to me:

*sniff*

I… I don’t know what to say. This is just so… so… beautiful!

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“Sweep the leg, Johnny! Sweep the leg!” Oh yeah, that’s William Zabka reprising his role as Cobra Kai’s number one karateka, Johnny.

Thanks for the tip Hawk.

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