More everything! Super high and super tight! There ain’t no hope for dude who deal dope you jive turkey mother fuckers!

Let it be known that AZM ally Mike Dent of R5 Central is both brilliant and twisted. He sent along this trailer for Black Dynamite which, believe it or not, is coming out this year and stars Michael Jai White! Haven’t seen him since Spawn. I mean, I’m sure he’s been in stuff since. I just haven’t seen it.

This looks like a lot of fun. Blaxploitation certainly falls into the “So horribly wrong it’s somehow right” category of film and probably shouldn’t be taken all that seriously. And while it explodes with stereotypes, I somehow find it less offensive than that stupid Who’s Your Caddy crap that I railed against a while back.

So, in the words of JJ Jimmy Walker, DYN-O-MITE!

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The expression on poor Kristin Kreuk’s mug says, “Oh please, don’t let the interwebs hate me.” Have no fear Kristin. We here at AZM support you in your portrayal of Chun Li in the upcoming Street Fighter flick. We appreciate that you’re at least half Chinese and will be doubly impressed if you manage some of your own stunts. And we’re certainly looking forward to your “Spinning Star Kick” than we are Justin Chatwin’s Kame Hame Huh.

Reader Bonzai Rob pointed out Kristin’s spinning bird necklace. It’s not too much a leap to speculate that it’s a present from her dad and the inspiration for the Spinning Star Kick.

Thanks to Bonzai Rob for the pic.

CORRECTION: Mr. D in the comments points out that it’s Spinning Bird Kick, not Spinning Star Kick. The necklace makes even more sense now! All these friggin years and I’ve always heard Spinning Star Kick. Ah well.

[Via Capcom US]

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Summit Entertainment has acquired the rights to remake the original Highlander and has tapped the co-writers of the Iron Man film to script. Although I quite liked the television series, after the first film, the movies kind of got lost in an orgy of donkey ball sucking (you should see some of the search results when I write shit like that). Even Donnie Yen’s cameo in that fourth one couldn’t save it from sucking hard.

My love for Iron Man is well documented. Art Marcum and Matt Holloway turned in a brilliant script with witty dialog and genuine character development. Can they make Highlander unsuck?

I’d rather they let the franchise alone, of course. More people are fans of the television show anyway which you can collect on DVD. But if you are going to relaunch the movies, you could do worse than a script from the writers of a summer block buster. I think more important is the casting. Robert Downey, Jr. made Iron Man come alive. You’d need that kind of perfect casting to make a new Highlander kick ass.

I guess I’m in “wait and see” mode instead of outright “well this sucks a big fat ass” mode.

[Via Hollywood Reporter]

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Hawk uncovered some more Emoball Z cast photos. There are more, but I don’t feel like pulling them.

Stephen Chow is producing this which makes me think that there could be some glimmer of awesome somewhere. But these cast photos just depress the hell out of me. They just don’t seem to fit. Maybe if I treat this as just another action fantasy flick and forget the source material, maybe that will work.

Thinking…

Bah! Can’t do it. I wonder if this is the really the cast that Chow wanted or if he had to make some caveats for a western audience.

Thanks for the tip, Hawk. You’re a sick one.

[Via Dragon Ball the Movie]

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Reader Epoch9 sent over casting news of the live-action movie adaptation of Tekken. Pictured above is Cung Le as Marshall Law. This photo demonstrates that this movie will be full of what I like to call the sexy man meats. Like most gaming adaptations, I strongly suspect that Tekken will lack another thing I like to call plot. But at least they didn’t cast Jean Claud Van Dam (who will dance for you BTW) as Marshall Law. Actually, the cast seems to be fairly diverse reflecting the ethnic make up of the game. Kudos for that.

I am encouraged by this highlight reel of Jon Foo who will portray Jin Kazama. Observe the skillz.

Promising, very promising. I predict amazing chop socky goodness with a dash of plot light. That’s probably a good thing. Cause really, you don’t play Tekken or see a chop socky flick for deep character development. You’re in it for the righteous pummeling.

Thanks for the sexyness Epoch9. I think this will do much better than Dead or Alive. Blech.

[Via SDTekken]

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Here’s Justin Chatwin as Goku looking like he just walked off the set of “Gossip Girl.” Audrey and I get two flavors of CW on our cable-less tele and I swear, the network is a factory for generic emo boys and vapid women.

Anyway, back to Chatwin. Just not feeling this. The only thing I’ve really seen him in was that Invisible movie. He had the same expression throughout the film which is slightly disturbing as I think if you suddenly found out you were a walking spirit, you’d show some emotion other than vacant emo stare. I just don’t see him as goofy, fun loving, slightly demented, Goku. You never see Goku without a big toothy grin unless he’s kicking some ass. And even then, he laughs his way through fights. I don’t know, maybe they’re trying to inject some seriousness into this thing.

Not sure who I would cast instead. Hell, not sure I would even bother making this thing. I always want to see more of Tony Jaa. He certainly has the action chops and I think he can pull off a big toothy grin while kicking major ass. Meh. Whatever. I think I’m genetically disposed to not like this.

[Via Dragonball The Movie]

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There are two reasons why you’re going to see The Forbidden Kingdom. You want to see Jackie Chan fight Jet Li. You want to see Jet Li fight Jackie Chan. It’s good. It’s damn good. It’s seriously like watching kung fu porn.

I messed my pants multiple times. Crunchy beyond crunchy!

The fight you will pay good money to see fortunately happens fairly early on in the film. Director Rob Minkoff makes the right choice giving us long camera shots that give us the full view of the hardcore man on man action. Jackie and Jet are wicked fucking fast! Words have not been invented that accurately describe what we saw on screen. Seriously, this is the best fight scene I’ve seen in a good god damned time. It is full of the awesome.

The rest of the movie? Well, I absolutely hated the opening and would have walked out if it was any other movie. It’s completely unbelievable and out of tone with the rest of the film. Michael Angarano is the utterly forgettable view point character. Honestly, at points I forgot he was supposed to be our lead. Yifei Lui plays the female lead opposite of Angarano and has the annoying quirk of referring to herself in the third person. The relationship between Lui and Angarano is never quite fully developed which is somewhat of shame since it’s the only reason she’s in the movie. Obviously, there’s a budding romance there, but it just meanders along going no where. They also never kiss. If you’re going to pretend to have a young romance subplot, at least let them freaking kiss. Disappointing.

Collin Chou is brilliant as the Jade Warrior and Bing Bing Li is quite stunning as the younger Bride with White Hair (okay, that’s not her name, but she’s totally the Bride). I just wish there was more of them. Honestly, you get rid of Angarano’s and Lui’s characters and just pit Bin Bin Li and Collin Chou against Jet Li and Jackie Chan, you have a much tighter movie.

However, the things that suck don’t ruin the things that rock. It’s easy enough to ignore the meh because there are plenty of fights peppered throughout. Jet Li’s Monkey King and disgruntled monk are so enjoyable. He also has the absolute best line I’ve ever heard him say ever! NO, FOOL! Jackie Chan’s drunken immortal is absolutely brilliant. If they never work together again, their amazing fight and chemistry together in this film is enough to satisfy any martial arts geek.

You’ll probably want to catch a matinée. But Jet Li vs. Jackie Chan must be seen on a big ass screen. Fact.

[Via Forbidden Kingdom]

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Is it just me or does Justin Chatwin’s stunt double (thanks to Leto for the correction) here look a bit constipated?

There are more photos from the set of the live-action Dragonbawllz floating out there somewhere, but I’m not going to bother. I’m no big Dragonball expert, but this doesn’t look like no Dragonball. I’ve seen amateur cosplay that’s better than this crap. Wasn’t Tony Jaa free? How about Jet Li? How about some no name martial arts champion or one of those Xtreme martial arts kids? How is this Invisible fop qualified to be a martial arts space monkey?

Unfortunately, I think this will be pretty big. There are enough young Dragonball fans who are eager to consume anything with Dragonball slapped on it. And as the famed Chipmunk episode has taught me, I don’t know shit.

Man, now I’m all depressed. This movie makes me sad panda.

Props to Marty for having the intestinal fortitude to post this first.

[Via Blast-o-Rama]

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Back when I first heard about The Forbidden Kingdom, I wrote it off as a shitty attempt to Americanize Journey to the West.

I was wrong.

Witness epic Kung-Fu featuring Jet Li and Jackie Chan kicking quite a lot of ass.

Did anyone else see a Bride With White Hair in there? This is indeed going to be epic.

Thanks to reader Justin Davis for showing me the err of my ways. Here’s another trailer with more kick assery.

And for all you video nuts out there, you can do your own remix of the trailer over here. If any of you do, let me know so I can link it up and pimp you out.

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I’m already somewhat pleased that Kristen Kreuk will be Chun-Li. But the news that Michael Clark Duncan will play Balrog makes me all giddy. Never thought much of Balrog. Just seemed like a big dumb bruiser to me. The game character doesn’t have all that much personality so it’s almost a blank canvas for Duncan to work with. I can’t wait to see how he’ll portray the boxer.

Chris Klein will play Nash while Rick Yune has been cast as Gen, neither of whom really makes much difference to me. Rounding out the cast are Rounding out the cast are Moon Bloodgood, Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas, Edmund Chen and Cheng Pei Pei. Don’t recognize any of those four and their roles have yet to be announced, but I like the international group that they’re assembling. Cautiously optimistic about this one.

[Via Variety]

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