Now that’s a fucking trailer!

It’s clear that with Predators, Robert Rodriguez is returning the franchise to its horror/sci-fi roots and I freaking love it. The best part of the trailer is that you hardly see any of the Predators at all and when you do, it’s a quick cut or a freaky silhouette. They don’t spoil the fun with a big reveal. The scene where those red lights pop up all over Adrien Brody is fucking awesome. So yeah, I’m a sucker for anything with Predators in it. I saw both AVP movies in the theater on purpose. And I’m gonna see this one. Difference is, this one looks like it might actually be good!

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“Why would birds do something like that?”

Yes, Natalie, why would horribly animated CG birds do something like that?

So this is Birdemic: Shock and Terror, an indy low-budget horror film tribute to Hitchcock’s The Birds that is so bad, it breaks through the badness barrier to the land known as so bad but SOOOO FUCKING GOOD!

Or not…

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“Can you endure 20,000 spoonfuls of terror?”

Richard Gale’s The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon is absolutely brilliant.

Source: Richard Gale Films

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I don’t think this song or video are particularly good. But it does articulate very well the many reasons why these Twilight era vampires absolutely suck sweaty donkey scrotum.

Vampires used to kick quite a lot of ass. Even Buffy era vampires were hardcore. You never saw Angel brooding… um… okay, so maybe Angel had his “mooning over Buffy” moments. But he could kick the ever loving shit out of Edward Cullen. Pre-Twilight era vampires were dead sexy, lustfully dangerous, horribly evil. Twilight era vampires are chaste, boring, emo. Where’s the sex? Their clothes are still on, HOW IS THIS LOVE?!

I understood when women swooned over Angel, Spike, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Tom when he was in interview. Those vampires dangerously oozed sex. The ladies couldn’t help but lust after these bad boys. I don’t get the hubbub over these Twilight era wussies. Okay, so glittery shiny things always attract your eyes. But these boring fucks don’t do anything remote dangerous or sexy or evil. They’re boring and a bit stalkery. There’s no denying that Stephie Meyer tapped into something that the tweeny girlies drool over. But damned if I can figure it out.

I guess that’s the point. I’m certainly not the target audience for Blahlight, The Vampire Diarrhea, True Blood, or whatever other wussy vampire shlock is out there ruining the name of vampires. I just hope it doesn’t last. Looking forward to Daybreakers to bring the kick ass back to vampires!

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You might expect that a classic horror remake would be released around now as All Hallow’s Eve approaches, but according to this absolutely amazing trailer for The Wolfman that Angry Zen Minion Steven Blue sent along, the movie comes out next February right around V-Day. Although, in a way, this is perfect! There’s no better date movie than a horror movie! And this one looks like it’s going to kick some serious ass. That shit with Benicio’s fingers bending the completely wrong way freaks the shit out of me.

I’m not a big fan of remakes, but this looks great. Thank gods he’s not a vampire. I don’t think I could stand another vampire anything.

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Alright, I’ll admit that when I heard Michael Bay was producing a remake of Nightmare on Elm Street I got dizzy from my eyes rolling so hard. But seeing Jackie Earle Haley as Freddie, holy shit balls this looks good. As the sequels kept piling on top of each other, Freddy became more of a punch line than the scary twisted fuck we were introduced in the first film. I can’t think of anyone better to make Freddie frightening once more. Jackie Earle Haley looks great and I’m sure he’ll terrify all those sleepy kids on Elm Street. Hate to say it, but I’m looking forward to this.

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This trailer for Paranormal Activity piques my interest. The trailer and all the hype surrounding this movie make me think to myself, “Scariest movie ever? Oh yeah? Let’s just see about that shit!” It’s been a long damn while since a horror movie actually terrified the shit out of my. The Blair Witch Project did manage to make me jump quite a bit, but on a second viewing, it just annoyed the shit out of me. A really good horror movie should scare the shit out of you every time you watch it. Will Paranormal Activity live up to that test? We’ll all get to find out September 25 when it drops.

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Wow!

Two things. Never trust the ice cream man and always shoot the old lady when she starts crawling on the fucking ceiling!

My brother just sent me the trailer for Legion and it looks absofuckinglutely UH MAY ZING! Hadn’t heard anything about this movie until posters showed up at ComicCon and I still wasn’t too sure what the deal was until seeing this trailer. I’m totally sold. Legion opens January 22, 2010 and I’m fucking there!

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If Tyrese Gibson can do it, so can Jennifer Love Hewitt. She’ll be launching a ten-issue series at IDW called The Music Box. Says Hewitt:

The chance to create my very own comic, and a horror/thriller at that, is like a very fun nightmare come true. I’ve always been fascinated by the notion that an inanimate object can hold as much malevolent energy as a human being can. And when they two meet, or are at cross purposes, very bad things can happen.

The series will be written by Scott Lobdell with painted art by Michael Gaydos (covers, I’m guessing) and pencils by Casey Maloney, Adam Archer, George Tuska, and Joe Rubenstein. So I guess Hewitt comes up with the concepts, characters, maybe outlines, and these guys do the heavy lifting.

Never pegged Hewitt as a comic geek. I’m not entirely certain what to think about these celebrity vanity comic projects. Tyrese’s Mayhem looked like drek, but I hear it’s selling fairly well. Rosario Dawson’s Occult Crimes Taskforce seemed to be well received. Plus she’s a gigantic comic geek. I guess if they get people in the stores who aren’t normally comic fans, that’s a good thing. I just hope we never see the day when Paris Hilton does a comic project. Blech!

Of course, if you really want to terrify someone with a music box, just put this track on endless loop:

Source: MTV

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You should probably see this in high def because IGN’s embeds are stupid, but here’s the trailer for Tim Burton’s interpretation of Alice in Wonderland. I love the Cheshire Cat. So cute. So evil. Just like a cat. And of course, Johnny Depp is fucking terrifying as the Mad Hatter. I love the art direction. It’s fanciful and colorful and deadly creepy. I think I may just have to see this.

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