Boy, am I glad I made a Dumb Ass category. Tom Cruise is reportedly in talks with Ben Stiller to star in a buddy pick based on the Hardy Boys detective novels. The film would depict the boys all growd up and is tentatively titled The Hardy Men.
It seems pretty clear that Cruise wants to repair his bat-shit-crazy-jumping-on-couches persona. But shutting the fuck up would do far more to clean up his rep than starring in a buddy comedy. There’s no way I would want to see this thing. Really, who gives a shit about the Hardy Boys. Fun to read as a kid, but beyond that, the boys themselves aren’t all that interesting. No one cares what they’d be like all growd up.
If Tom really wants us to give a shit about him again, he should make a movie entitled I’m Sorry For Being A Fucking Looney where he apologizes to Brook Shields for saying stupid shit, apologizes to Katie for sticking his thing in her, and then just goes down a list of people apologizing to each one for being a complete utter shit these past few years. Firing his publicist was the worst fucking idea ever. She, at least, shielded the rest of us from bat-shit-crazy Tom. Now he has no filter and we get to see him in all his wigged-out glory. Why anyone would sign up for Scientology with this asshole as its spokesperson is beyond me.