Movies

Tony Jaa Teaches Vin Diesel Kickboxing for F7

There’s nothing guilty about the pleasure I get from sitting in a theater and watching a Fast and Furious movie.  I’ve seen ’em all and I love them all and not in a hispter ironic way.  Love the series.  But I’ve always felt in need more knees to the face.

Fortunately, Tony Jaa is here to deliver.  He’s been cast for the seventh movie playing some guy who kicks cars and elbows gear shifts.  I have no idea who he’s playing.  I don’t care.  I love him and I want to see him in more things.

So here he is teaching Vin Diesel how to knee things in the face!

After 22 Years, Army of Darkness 2?

Because America!

Because America!

Horror and sequels go hand in hand.  So it should be little surprise that Army of Darkness 2 is a thing that will happen.  What is surprising is the timing.  The first one came out 22 years ago.  Bruce Campbell isn’t as spry as he used to be.  Certainly, he’s still got all the charisma of his younger self, but Ash will be 56 when we see him on screen once more.

Actually, that sounds kind of funny now that I say it out loud.  Watching a middle aged guy take on an army of deadites totally fits with the tone of the original.

Now the real question, will this be going off the theatrical ending where Ash is back home in the present or the Director’s Cut ending where Ash oversleeps and wakes up in a post apocalyptic future?

From: Bloody Disgusting

“Whoa, I’m in… Japan…”

It occurs to me that while I talked about it when it was first announced, I haven’t said shit about the new 47 Ronin flick starring Keanu Reeves yet.  Welp, this second trailer has dropped so now is as good a time as any to speak my mind.

To be honest, I’m not against casting a White guy or a half White/half Asian guy in a Japanese fantasy period piece.  For once, I’m not going to complain about Whitewashing.  I mean, they’ve got Mako Mori turning into a dragon.  It’s clear they’re not going for historical accuracy by any stretch of the imagination.  Also, Keanu’s father is hella Asian so I don’t think it’s appropriate to call him out for being just another “white” guy.

What infuriates me about this thing is that they’re pretending it’s based the actual revenge of the 47 Ronin which took place in 18th century Japan.  The story has become legend and defines what it meant to be samurai.  But unless you’re Japanese or a Japanese scholar or a Nihongofile or a GIGANTIC weeaboo, you wouldn’t have heard of the 47.  It’s not a story that’s readily familiar to the target audience of the film.  And those who are familiar with the tale will only be scratching their heads and wondering where the fuck the 48th samurai came from.  Keanu isn’t even one of the 47!

I don’t see the benefit of tying this to something that so few audience members will have heard about.  And if they look it up, they’ll be utterly confused,  “I don’t see anything about a ‘half-breed’ (guh, that’s what they’re calling him in the film) saving the day.”  It bears so little resemblance to the original tale that if it weren’t for the title or the line about there only being “47 of us,” I wouldn’t have figured it out.

It would be like a Japanese studio casting Odagiri Joe (why do you hate Kuuga, Joe? Why?!) as the hero of the American Revolution.  What, that sounds absurd?  Well it makes just as much sense as this fucking thing.

Just call it something different!  You can have your literal dragon lady and your whitish hero and your flashy swords. Just call it something new!  Hell, give your writers some credit.  They clearly didn’t think the original story was interesting enough for a film so they wrote some new shit!  If you believe in that new shit, show it off! Give it a fresh coat of paint and a new name and fuck it, I’ll promote the shit out of your weird looking movie.

The thing is, this looks like a fun little action movie. You got your demon looking armor guy walking through fire.  You got Rinko Kikuchi turning into a dragon.  You got some really cool looking creatures eating warriors.  Were it not for the dubious title, I think I would actually see this in the theater.

Warner Bros CEO Hints At Possible Wonder Woman Return to the Screen

wondyNew52

At an entertainment law conference this past Saturday, Warner Bros CEO Kevin Tsujihara straight out said that, “We need to get Wonder Woman on the big screen or TV.”

DUH.

Maybe he caught wind of the overwhelmingly positive response to Rainfalls fan film. I certainly hope so.

Unfortunately, the statement didn’t coincide with an announcement of any kind. But this hopefully means that Warner Bros has something in the works.  Personally, I’d like to see a movie.  DC has always considered Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman to be the three superhero icons of their universe.  It absolutely floors me that they haven’t been able to get a film project off the ground.  Bats had two or three movie franchise reboots, Supes has had three. Wonder Woman can’t get one? Fucking bullshit.  So it’s nice to hear that Tsujihara recognizes the missed opportunity here.

From: The Hollywood Reporter

 

GODFUCKINGZILLA!!!!!

SHIVERS! FUCKING SHIVERS! Turn your speakers up to 11 and marvel at how fucking good this is!

My good friend, Mike Dent, sent me this new teaser trailer for the new Godzilla movie and HOLY FUCK!!!!! Oppenheimer’s “I am become death, destroyer of worlds” speech is frighteningly haunting as the camera slowly pans across the devastation left by what I’m assuming was an epic kaiju battle. This new Godzilla appears to be bigger than previous versions and that snout is certainly a little shorter. But the silhouette looks menacing and powerful, exactly the way he should be!

I was skeptical at first, but I am totally on board with this new Godzilla! I also kind of want Gipsy Danger to punch him in the face because crossover! It needs to happen!!!!

Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver to Appear in Age of Ultron

 

scarlettWitch

Though we haven’t had official word from Marvel, Samuel L. Jackson Elizabeth Olsen will be playing the Scarlet Witch in Age of Ultron. Casting of Quicksilver is still at the rumor stage, though Aaron Taylor-Johnson seems pretty likely.  I don’t know much about Olsen so I have no real opinion on the announcement. BUUUUUUUT Wanda and Pietro Maximoff are both mutants.

That’s right, I said it. MUTANTS.

As far as I know, Fox still owns the movie rights to the X-franchise which means the rights to the term “mutant.” Does this signal the possible return of X-Men to the Marvel proper universe? Or will Marvel have to come up with clever ways to refer to their abilities?  I could imagine someone saying something like, “Hey, asshole, don’t use the ‘M’ word around me” or “wow, their powers are inhuman.” Some shit like that. Although in the case of Wanda, they could just call her a magic user.  Still, they’re mutants and you can’t really get around that.

A proper Avengers vs. X-Men movie would give fandom the hardest nerd boner in the history of nerdom.

From: Superhero Hype

Smaug The Stupendous

“His name is Bilbo.”

My only regret is not seeing this trailer on a giant movie screen with surround sound. We finally get to hear Cumberbatch’s voice as Smaug and holy fuck, I can just imagine my seat rumbling in the theater and he speaks. Just wow!

So I’m probably reading too much into this, but I thought Thorin Bushy Brows decided that Bilbo was a bro at the end of the first film. From the sound of the trailer, it seems that Thorin Cranky Shield is all pissy with Bilbro again. Sooooo did the broship of the first one never happen? Or does Bilbro bro too hard for Thorin Smouldery Eyes? I’m sure it’s going to be amazing, but that characterization seems off to me. But like I said, I might be reading too much into a throwaway line in a trailer.

Looking forward to it, although not looking forward to the high frame rate 3D nonsense. 2D for me all the way!

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