Admittedly, watching other people climb up a wall can be quite dull, especially if you’re not particularly into the sport. However, watching people climb giant features the size of automobiles including a Ford truck and artificial stalactites suspended 45 feet above ground is fucking awesome! Witness the madness of Ford’s SkyMaster challenge held earlier this year at the Ordnance Survey Outdoors Show in Birmingham, England.

Dude, if that’s not worth an X Games event or ESPN coverage, I don’t know what is. I mean, check out the insane blueprints of this thing!

Here’s Beth Monks climbing the insane route. The video cuts off before she finishes, but man, that looks like a whole helluva good time.

The course was designed by X1 Sports and I think they have plans to kick things up a bit further for this year’s show. Someday, I want to climb on something that fucking insane!

[Via Routsetter]

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Somehow, last night the stars aligned and we managed to get Ananth and Yuko up on the walls! Both of them kicked quite a lot of ass. Ananth even tried the high walls on his first night. Took me a month to work up the courage. Kilika of Blue and Blond fame came out to play for the first time. Brian, Garth, and Cole finally returned to the walls after a long con season.

I have married a ninja spider monkey. Audrey did her second 5.11a which is freaking nuts after only two months of climbing! Going three times a week has really started to pay off. I’ve gotten up to a 5.10c so I’m not too far behind. But it’s so fun watching Audrey just scramble up the wall like a freaking ninja. I think fairly soon she’ll be climbing lead. And we might want to start thinking about hitting some real rock sometime as the weather starts to cool. We’ll see.

For this week’s clip we have Jonathan Thesenga and Brittany Griffith recounting their climbing trip to Stolby, Siberia. The people of Stolby are fucking hard core. They climb without any gear, no ropes, no cams, no protection. Just shoes. And sometimes a chalk bag. This is called free soloing. The routes are insane and go up hundreds of feet and if you fall, you die. This is rock climbing at its most pure and most insane.

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And sometimes the wall climbs you!

Okay, that makes no sense. One of these days, I’ll remember to bring a camera of some kind with me to the gym so you can witness first-hand the absolute insanity. Happy to report that I no longer hesitate out of fear when I’m on the ropes. Now I hesitate because I get pumped out. This week we decided to hit routes with a lot of overhangs. This tends to tire you out slightly more than straight up routes because you’re fighting gravity. My technique was totally awful this week and I tired out midway through a lot of routes. I ended up going back down a few grades to work on my technique. Clearly, with my new-found confidence comes over eagerness.

Tried to hit some bouldering problems. I managed to do a few V1s and and a V2, but most of them stumped me on the last move. From the ground, I can see that I just need to go for those last moves. But when I get up there, it’s a different story. Bouldering after climbing the walls probably doesn’t help either. But I figure when your arms are tired, you try to climb as efficiently as you can manage. Ah well. Still have lots to learn. At least I can do the intro problems without getting stuck.

Here’s some footage from the Allez Up Showdown bouldering comp held this year in Montreal, Canada. That last freaking problem that starts out on that shelf is fucking INSANE!

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I am not entirely ready to declare my fear of heights abated. But I am willing to say that the terror that once gripped me as I dangled from a rope 40ft. above the ground no longer makes me shake. I think Saturday’s session at the Columbia gym helped a great deal. Larom came out with Audrey and I before we all headed up to Baltimore to meet up with some friends after Otakon. Larom taught us a few new terms. If a course is labeled arette on, you can use the side of the wall to help you get to your next hold. Arette off means no side of wall for you. Arette means “stop” in French which is kind of funny“Arrête” is stop, “Arête” is edge (Thanks fiftywan). There’s also feature on, feature off, crack on, crack off. A feature is a giant piece of plastic jutting out from the wall that may or may not have a hand or foot hold bolted to it.

At the beginning of our Saturday session, I was still shaking. The walls at the Columbia gym are mostly vertical so there’s not a lot of leaning back or hanging upside down. They are higher than the Rockville walls so that started to freak me out. Audrey had no problem and just monkeyed her way up a bunch of 9s and 10s. Larom challenged me to a 9 and I flashed it! Flashing is when you complete a route for the first time without any takes or falls. Flashing a route that weeks earlier would have stopped me shaking in my harness boosted my confidence tremendously. My last climb, I went on to tackle a 10c and managed to use my head to wedge myself between a feature and a foot hold to reach the next hand hold. Didn’t finish the route, but I didn’t freak out being stranded so high.

Last night was great fun. Audrey kicked ass hitting 10s and an 11 or two and I stuck with 9s and 10s. Maybe in a year or so I will gain enough courage to try lead climbing.

So not to bore you to death, here’s a highlight clip of Maja Vidmar from Slovania climbing in the lead finals of the 2007 Climbing World Championships. Damn, she makes it look so easy! Not one move wasted. I want to be like her when I grow up! She came in third in the women’s lead finals.

And here’s her full climb if you have ten minutes to spare:

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I’m getting more used to climbing the high walls. The classroom walls are starting to seem smaller than before. Still get a little freaked out, but I’m starting to hit 7-9s on the high walls.

But instead of boring you to death with tales of personal triumph and terror, check out this trailer for Perfecto! These guys are doing what’s called deep water soloing. No ropes, no crash pads, just you, the rock, and the water below. This was filmed in Mallorca, Spain. Just beautiful!

Oh, and there’s a new website, ClimbClips, which is a YouTube for climbing videos. Not too many right now, certainly not enough to rival YouTube. But as the community grows, I expect ClimbClips will become the place for climbing geeks.

[Via Perfecto]

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Our journey to the Dark Side is now complete! Yesterday, Audrey and I purchased shoes and signed up for gym memberships starting in September when the summer pass expire.

When it comes to shoes, every sport has their own requirements. While most other shoes are designed around a flat foot, rock climbing shoes are designed around scrunched toes. I asked our helpful Earth Treks pixie, Sam, why this was. She said that when curved, you get more power out of your toes and can push off your feet much better. Also, the curve allows your foot to sneak into crags and little holds that would be impossible with regular shoes. The more aggressive shoes have deeper curvatures.

We’ve been hitting 8s-10s so Sam disregarded the beginner shoes (they fall apart once you move up to more advanced routes) and pulled out some more advanced shoes for us to try. She let us try a few on and head to the bouldering cave to step around a few problems. My god, you can actually feel the edges! So much better than the rentals! Here’s what we finally settled on.

Audrey chose Evlov’s Elektra. Dig that purple! It’s a little wider than the rental shoes with much sharper edges around the base and toe rubbers and it hugs the heel a lot tighter. Apparently, you’re looking for a sort of sucking suction in the heel when you’re sizing your rock climbing shoes. Even though the toes are more squished, the Elektra is much more comfortable than the rentals.

I chose the Anasazi from Five Ten. It sports a much deeper curve than the rentals. The rubber is sharper and actually stickier which makes climbing on really tiny chips of holds much easier. I say easier in the sense that now you can actually step on those tiny chips. That 11B will still kick your ass. The toes are nice a squished which makes walking for long periods of time pretty stupid, but they are quite comfy and a dream on the walls. Looking forward to trying our new shoes on some real rocks some day.

We thanked Sam for helping us out, paid for our new gear and new memberships, and headed over to the classroom walls. I’ve discovered that if I get stuck on the 40ft walls at any part of the route, I start to freak out and tense up. I got stuck on a 6 on Saturday when I’ve been going through 8s and 9s on the smaller walls. That’s the fear setting in. So I think I might start much lower on the high walls to get used to the height and use my time on the small walls to improve my climbing jutsu. By contrast, Audrey has no problem going up 9s and 10s on any wall. Even if she gets stuck, she still manages to finish the route.

We decided to tackle one of the hardest routes on the classroom walls, “Reality Check.” It’s a 10D which means 10 FUCK YOU in beginner speak. The holds are small and spaced far apart requiring you to lean and stretch and mantle to make it to the top. Mantling is when you pull up to a hold and then transition to pushing up. There are times when just two points of contact are keeping you on the wall. There’s this one move in particular that gave us both a lot of trouble last week. This week, we both managed to get past that. And for the first time, I made it to the top of a route that Audrey didn’t complete (which honestly doesn’t mean a thing as she went on to completely dominate a route I couldn’t even start). We spent most of the night hitting 9s and 10s (Audrey did a 9 on the high walls). And since our regular crew was off to Connecticon, we left a little early.

Going to have to get over this height thing if we’re going to ever make it outside. Now that we’re members, it’s going to be so much more tempting to get outside. Apparently, they plan some pretty interesting trips overseas to climb some rocks and some members-only rock climbing parties. What do you do at a rock climbing party? Drink a climb? Climb nekked? Spin the carabiner?

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On Saturday, Audrey had a bridal shower to go to. So I headed out to Earth Treks all by my lonesome to try some bouldering. Bouldering is rock climbing without all the gear. All you need are shoes, a chalk bag, and a crash pad. A spotter might be helpful to save you from cracking your skull, but at the beginning level, you’re not hanging upside down. Bouldering routes are called problems. Solving a problem requires more skill than strength, although having monster finger strength to grab onto little chip holds helps tremendously.

Here’s what bouldering looks like on actual boulders.

In the bouldering cave at the gym, the highest a problem will take you ten feet. Doesn’t sound terribly high, but for me, it’s pretty damn scary. Still, the walls call to me. So I braced up and started on an intro problem. I got up to the top fairly easily and dropped down. Now, a ten foot drop is more than manageable, especially with the cushy pads. But it’s still a little high. I saw some more advanced boulderers down-climbing so I gave that a try on my next route. Much less scary. I think I have found a way to get over my terror! It took me a few tries to solve the beginning problems, but I had a lot of fun.

On Wednesday, we met up with Garth, Cole (who has just made a guest appearance on Comedity), and Larom for our regular climbing night. I started on an 8, worked up to a 9, and finally tackled a 10. Took for fucking ever and I slipped a few times, but I made it up to the top! And then Audrey proceeded to do the same 10 in a third of the time it took me. She proceeded to tackle an 11 and though she’ll say it doesn’t count, she finished the route.

Feeling ever so confident with a 10 under my belt, we headed over to the high walls where I proceeded to fail after the second move on an 8. By starting out on the advanced routes in the classroom area, I had pumped out my forearms and didn’t have the strength to power past this one bitty hold. Audrey had no problems tackling a 10 on the high walls. She’s a monkey ninja! I went back down to a 7 just so I could get in another climb before the gym closed. Sure enough, when I made it to the top, the death fear set in. So instead of leaning back into my harness to be let down, I start down-climbing. Much much better.

Our next big purchase is rock climbing shoes. The rental ones are fine and all, but if we ever wanted to head outside and find some boulders to mess around on, we’d need our own shoes. Next time, nothing but 9s and 10s!

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Have you ever been so scared that every muscle in your body tenses up, sweat starts dripping from every poor, and you can feel blood literally draining from your brain? I certainly was on Saturday. I have never been so absolutely terrified in my life.

Audrey and I decided to grab our own gear and maybe get a few climbs in before an evening barbecue. So Saturday morning, we headed to the climbing gym. We got harnesses for each of us (Black Diamond. Awful comfy and we got a decent price) and a chalk bag and belay device to share between us. Then we hit the walls. There’s a giant 40ft pillar that has a gradual incline outward as you go higher. Audrey asked if I wanted to try it and since there was a nice easy 5.6 route, I went for it. And this is when I lost my shit. Going up the pillar was no problem as long as I kept my eyes in an upwardly direction. As soon as I looked to the side or slightly down, my heart raced. I got to the top and was ready to calm down and that’s when the terror set in. It’s pretty stupid really. I was all snugly tied into the top rope and Audrey is a freaking belay ninja. Nevertheless, I was totally petrified. I couldn’t even kick off the wall to get down.

When I finally got down I was shaking and sweating. Ugh. So scary. Audrey, of course, had no problems. She spent the time totally destroying 8’s and 9’s and even rocked out a 10 that had given her problems earlier. The nice thing about Saturday was that the walls were completely open. There was only a handful of people so we could try routes that we normally don’t bother. I spend the rest of Saturday using the classroom walls to get over my fear.

Monday was a lot better. We started on the classroom walls. I was hitting 7s and 8s while Audrey was going all out on 8s, 9s, and 10s. I felt a lot more confident and even managed to climb up one of the taller walls for my last climb.

Last night, Audrey and Nelly couldn’t make it so it was a guy’s night out. Garth’s brother, Cole, gets the award for the best climbing scar. Somehow, he managed to graze his face against the wall as he jumped up for one of his holds. Freaking nuts! Jim showed off his new gear which he found at REI, the only place mighty enough to contain his awesome might! I was actually able to belay Jim without tying into the ground. He outweighs me by 100lbs which is more a testament to just how safe it is to top rope climb at the gym than to my strength. Rob “Freaking” Balder and his girlfriend came out to join us. They seemed to get the hang of things fairly quickly. Jim and I invented a new game for our last climbs called “Let’s see how well you can climb when your friends are making you laugh!”

So yeah, I think we’re pretty hooked at this point.

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Back at Earth Treks! Felt pretty damn good this week. The courses in the gym are rated from 5.3 to 5.11 for the classroom walls. I think they add letters for the advanced routes for those crazy bastards who lead climb. Lead climbing is some seriously intense shit. Instead of tying into a rope that runs from the top of the wall with someone to belay you, lead climbers clip into the wall as they climb bringing the rope with them. Lead climbers are fucking ninjas!

Audrey spent the night destroying 5.8s and 5.9s. She also tried a few 10s but by that time, her arms were a little blown. I fully expect her to clear 10s next week. As for me, last night was all 7s and one 8 which kicked the living shit out me. I got half way up no problem. But then the holds got all rounded and smooth and my fingers started sweating like mad. Fortunately, we got a chalk bag with our rental. After what seemed like years stuck half way up, I finally managed to power up and finish off the wall. Today, my fingers are burning. They’re crying for me to grasp victory. Or just crying. But the forearms are doing just fine. I think we’re getting the hang of things.

So the post title comes from Garth’s younger brother, Cole. He’s fucking beast on the walls. He was doing 10s like they were nothing. At some point in the evening, he took off his shirt and proclaimed, “No shirt, no breaks!” and proceeded to do a dyno just because. A dyno is when you basically jump for you next hold. Someday I’m going to remember to bring a camera and take some photos and video.

At this point, the future purchase of gear is almost inevitable. We’ll have to consult with Jim and Nelly. Nelly picked up her own harness for her birthday. So far, Jim hasn’t found one MIGHTY enough to handle him. Apparently, extra large is as far as they go. He’s a giant six foot something tree of a man, might mightier than extra.

Next week, I’m hoping to hit a few more 8s. I’m still deathly afraid of heights, but it’s getting a little better. Climb on!

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More adventures in rock climbing. You know, we should take pictures next time we go.

So Audrey and I took our belay test at Earth Treks in Rockville and I’m happy to report we both passed. Now we can go climbing together whenever we want. All that’s left is buying our own gear and our path to the dark side is complete!

We got the gym a little early because we planned to leave a little early to pack for our trip up to Boston for the weekend. But we ended up staying until the gym closed. Just had too much fun hitting the walls! Audrey is already hitting some of the more advanced competition climbs. She’s like a ninja spider monkey! I’m still struggling with some of the intermediate climbs. Didn’t fall this week, but I completely failed one climb. And I kinda cheated on another one. Oh, and my fear of heights is still quite strong. I made it up to the top of one of the 45ft walls and stupidly looked down. I got a little dizzy and my throat clenched up.

Can’t thank Nelly and Jim from Morlock, Garth, and Brian enough for introducing us to the gym. Going to try to remember to bring along a camera next week so we can share the insanity.

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