Skynet

Skynet to Deliver Your Amazon Shit in 30min or Less

It’s difficult to imagine a world where flying packages are routine.  Then again, it used to be difficult to imagine a world where a computer would fit in your pocket.  It’s only a matter of time before the FAA figures out the rules for this shit, but I think Amazon Prime Air is the way of the future.

Certainly, you’d want to be home when Batteries Not Included shows up with your DVDs or send the shit to your workplace.  It would also be kind of cool to have a little delivery ledge for Amazon’s Hunter Killer if you work a few stories up.  And if more companies adopt a delivery drone model, it’s easy to imagine Reaper delivered pizza.  It would certainly change the meaning of a delivery person.  They’d have to hire a skilled drone pilot instead of a high school kid looking to score some extra cash.  Or that high school kid would have to play nothing but flight sims.

However, a few hurdles come instantly to mind.  I foresee a lot of people trying to down the drones in transit either by chucking rocks or worse, firearms.  They would have to fly at a height that’s out of rock throwing range, but low enough so that they don’t interfere with airplanes.

If multiple companies adopt a similar program, they would have to coordinate with each other to ensure drones don’t crash into one another.  Or maybe they’d all have some sort of early warning proximity system installed.

Weather would also be a factor.  Under extremely windy conditions, quadcopter Charlie would get blown way off course or just crash.  Windy conditions.  You’re just gonna have to get your shit tomorrow instead 30 minutes from now. Deal.

There could be some privacy concerns.  After all, Taka Candroid will undoubtedly have a camera or two or four to see where it’s going.  OR TO SPY ON YOU.

I also seriously doubt that Washington, D.C. would allow drones to fly anywhere near the White House or the Capital so D.C. residents, don’t get your hopes up.

Still, I kind welcome our new delivery fin funnels.  It’d be fun as hell to see them wiz back and fourth delivering all kinds of weird shit to people.  Once they figure out the kinks, I could easily see them as something we take for granted.  And who wouldn’t want a pizza delivered by a Flying Shark!

The Machine Breathes New Life Into Our Eventual Destruction

It may be that my brain meats have been shaped by science fiction more than science fact, but I truly believe that there will come a day when machines wise up and try to end us.  It would seem that writer and director Caradog W. James agrees and adds The Machine to a long list of movies warning us of the dangers of artificial intelligence becoming too smart.

Britain is in a Cold War with a new enemy, the Ministry of Defense is on the brink of developing a game-changing weapon. Lead scientist Vincent McCarthy (Toby Stephens) provides the answer with his creation, ‘The Machine’- an android with unrivalled physical and processing skills. When a programming glitch causes an early prototype to destroy his lab, McCarthy enlists artificial intelligence expert Ava (Caity Lotz) to help him harness the full potential of a truly conscious fighting machine.

I love the noir feel of the trailer that mixes the best parts of Blade Runner and the original Terminator.  Caity Lotz is incredibly creepy as the machine.  Those contacts and that voice will give me nightmares for ages.

As good as this looks, the one thing that stands out to me more and more with the sci fi movies these days is that our future seems to be devoid of minorities.  Clearly, this must be an alternative reality because in the really real world, the population is just getting more and more diverse.  Granted, this film takes place in Britain which has never touted it’s diversity as much as we have here in the good ol’ U-Melting-Pot-S-of-A.  But my impression is that in general, the world is trending towards more diversity, not less.

Still, it looks like an interesting take on a familiar theme.  And it’s certainly better than the last Terminator flick.  Bleh.

The film drops March 2014.  Check the facebook page for more info.

Heavy Metal Playing Heavy Metal

Compressorhead is literally the most metal band in the world.  That’s Fingers on guitar, Bones on bass, and Stickboy on drums.  Fingers has 78 fingers specially designed to hit every note on the fretboard and pick strings like a whirlwind.  Bones appears to be just as chill as a regular, meat person bass player.  Stickboy has four arms and two legs to beat the shit out of his 14 piece Pearl kit with Stickboy Junior working the hihat.  I’m actually kind of glad they don’t have a singer.  We don’t need no damn Autotune fucking up our metal!

I am all for teaching Skynet how to rawk!  It keeps her distracted from figuring out the most efficient way to kill us in the coming robot apocalypse.  Australian metal fans are in luck.  Compressorhead is coming to a town near you this month.  Hopefully, it will be successful enough to kick off a world tour!

DARPA’s Hell Puppy In Action

We’ve seen videos of DARPA’s Legged Squad Support System, the LS3, running on treadmills and walking around basketball courts. I’m just gonna call it Hell Puppy because it terrifies me greatly. Now we see Hell Puppy negotiating some rocky terrain rather effortlessly.

I often wonder why they bother making robots with legs when wheels and treads would do just fine. And then I see how fucking creepy Hell Puppy looks and I understand that part of DARPA’s (Skynet’s) goal is to terrify.

I, for one, do not welcome Hell Puppy. Hell Puppy scares the ever loving shit out of me and brings us one step closer to Skynet’s evil plot. Fuck you, Hell Puppy, and your rock climbing limbs you creepy robot you.

DARPA is Making Skynet Faster

AZM Ally Kevin Loeb writes in with word that the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) is working on making Skynet faster. This video demonstrates DARPA’s latest creation, Cheetah, a quadrupedal robot that can reach a top speed of 18mph. Fuck. Average human running speed is about 15mph. Cheetah can well overtake us. And even if we were able to outrun Cheetah initially, no human endurance can match that of a machine. Unless Skynet forgets to change the oil, Cheetah can run us down no matter how much endurance training we’ve done.

So I kind of understand the desire to design systems that mimic animals. It’s a good way to study motor function, agility, that sort of thing. Cheetah appears to have the running thing down pretty well, but I don’t think it can turn on a dime like it’s biological counterpart. And it’s much slower than a real life cheetah. If we’re talking straight speed, wheeled vehicles leave Cheetah in the dust.

Still, you can’t deny the creep factor. Imagine this creepy ass thing chasing you down in the middle of the night.

From: Geeks of Doom

Oh Fuck, Furby Returns With DEVIL EYES!

So apparently, they’ve bottled Satan and stuck him into a small electronic owl monster. Furby was just slightly annoying when it originally came out. The only time it ever scared me is when my parents’s Furby shorted and it’s eyes started twitching like it was possessed by demons. But this rebooted digital doom eye Furby fucking TERRIFIES me! Terrifies me all time! Goddamn, this thing is super fucking creepy.

Demon Furby is great if you want to scare the shit out of people coming to your house. Say some fucker wants to break in and steal your shit. As soon as they jump in through the window they just broke, Demon Furby’s eyes will light up and that high pitched voice will activate with some demon tongue language and scare that fucker right out of your window. Or maybe that guy you brought home after the bar turns out to be a grabby creep. Just turn on your Demon Furby and that handsy loser will run right the fuck out without his pants screaming about the demon spawn.

Seriously, only evil could have created such a thing. No good can come of this.

Skynet Attacks Our Palates With Dreaded Sushi Bots

If ever there was a soundtrack for the Food PrOn tag, this video has it!

AZM Ally Kaitou Kyle writes in with word that under the guise of Suzumo Machinery, Skynet has created a machine that can make 3600 pieces of nigirizushi per hour. Suzumo has been making sushi robots since 1980.

Sushi is by far one of my most favorite things to put in my face. I feel like I’m eating the artistic expression of the chef anytime I sit down for a good sushi meal. You can almost taste the soul of the chef in the food. I don’t think I’ve ever had machine-made sushi before, but I wonder if I’d be able to taste the difference. The temperature of the hand that crafts a piece of nigirizushi has a lot to do with the taste. Can the robot reproduce that? Better yet, can it reproduce that 3600 times per hour? I would love to do a taste test to see if I could tell the difference.

Of course, the other thing to do is to host the ULTIMATE SUSHI CHALLENGE to see who could actually eat 3600 pieces of nigirizushi in one hour.

From: Rocket News

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