Talk shit, get hit!
Short of giving everyone in the theater an bone shattering orgasm as the end credits roll, I don’t think Warner Bros will ever satisfy us nerds with Batman vs. Superman. The announcement that Ben Affleck would don the bat cowl was met with venomous criticism. And last week’s reveal that Gal Gadot would be strapping on the golden bracers and magic lasso was viciously lambasted.
Here are some of the highlights:
- She’s too skinny for the role.
- Maybe if she gets on them horse steroids, she can fill out.
- She talks funny.
- We haven’t seen enough of her yet to step into such a prestigious role.
- She not good enough to carry a franchise.
- Ah, she’s just a model.
- She needs to eat a burger or two or three.
- Maybe if we complain hard enough, she’ll back out.
This is why we can’t have nice things.
You know who else we hadn’t seen do anything at all unless we were fans of Australian musical theater? HUGH FUCKING JACKMAN who has gone on to play Wolverine in seven fuck movies. As shitty as I think many of those movies are, he’s been an amazing Wolverine. I actually think that the fact that we haven’t seen much from Gal Gadot works in her favor. Casting relative unknowns as comic characters has paid off in spades. Had any of us in ‘Merica heard of Tom Hiddleston before he put on Loki’s horned helm? And now look, every fangirl in the world swoons at the mere mention of his name.
Now it’s true that we haven’t really seen her act in anything. The Fast and Furious franchise basically asked two things of her: be hot, kick dudes. I think she did both marvelously well. Wonder Woman does require a little more on the acting front. But I’m willing to give her chance. Remember how Chris Evans stunk up the theater twice as Johnny Storm in those ill conceived Fantastic Four things? By nerd law, there was no way he should be cast in anything based on a comic book ever again. Yet I think he’s a great Steve Rogers.
So fucking ease up on Gal Gadot and let put on a damn costume.
If we want to nerd rage, let’s nerd rage about the fact that this isn’t a solo Wonder Woman film. For fucking serious, it’s been far too long since we’ve had a proper live action Wonder Woman. Linda Carter is getting lonely out there. I can’t believe Gal Gadot is only the second woman to put on the golden tiara when we’ve had umptysquat numbers of Bat and Super men.
DC considers Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman to be their holy trinity, yet Warner Bros can’t figure out how to make a goddamn Wonder Woman film. So instead, they take the lazy ass way out and shoehorn her into someone else’s party. It’s a disservice to the character.
My fear is that Gal Gadot won’t really have a chance to shine as Diana. She’s competing with the titular characters of the film and when push comes to shove, they’re going to be cutting a lot of her out of the thing to make room for the two super dude bros. It’s their movie and there’s a real danger that Wonder Woman will just be a footnote much like Colossus in the X2.
Remember who the real enemy is. It’s not Gal Gadot. It’s fucking Warner Bros.