Flash! A-ah! He’ll Save Every One of Us

The guy who directed Night at the Museum, Shawn Levy, is going to direct The Flash. Levy takes over for David Goyer who co-wrote Batman Begins. According to Goyer:

Well, I’ve been waiting a few months to relate this news — but I am sad to say that my version of The Flash is dead at WB. The God’s honest truth is that WB and myself simply couldn’t agree on what would make for a cool Flash film. I’m quite proud of the screenplay I turned in. I threw my heart into it and I genuinely think it would’ve been the basis of a ground-breaking film. But as of now, the studio is heading off in a completely different direction. I expect you’ll hear of some new developments on that front shortly.

He goes on to explain a little bit more about what his vision of The Flash would have entailed:

To be honest, when WB first approached me about doing The Flash, it seemed a little too good to be true. A part of me thought they’d never really make a movie like that. For the record, the script did involve both Barry and Wally as The Flash. I wanted to showcase the legacy aspect of the hero — as that was something that hadn’t been explored yet in film. Like Batman Begins, the script drew on some seminal comicbook runs (Mike Baron, Mark Waid, Geoff Johns).

Man! Barry and Wally! That would have been sweet! It sounds like the WB wants to go a bit lighter with The Flash than they did with Batman Begins or Superman Returns so the choice of Levy kind of makes sense. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Lite-Brite Terrorizes Boston

Turner Broadcasting System Inc. and Interference Inc. have agreed to pay $2 million to settle the shit storm about their “blinking-lights-about-town” marketing campaign for “Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie.” Never mind the fact that they ran similar campaigns in nine other cities including New “Hey, we were the ones who actually got attacked you dump fucks” York.

I try not to mix politics with this blog, but I have to say, this is fucking stupid. How fucked are we if blinking Lite-Brite aliens giving the finger can inspire terror! Have you seen the fucking things?! I see an alien flipping the bird. Where’s the bomb? If it was a bomb, do you think the terrorists would really draw attention to the things with lights? If New York ignored the things, a city that has actually been targeted by terrorists, what the fuck is up with Boston! Double dumb ass on you lot. I could understand if there were little boxes all over the city with a blinking light, but for fuck’s sake, IT’S FUCKING LITE-BRITE! Boston, you got yourself some easy money.

But my big beef isn’t with the city of Boston. They were honestly doing what they thought was best. And really, it’s better to be safe than sorry. I’ve got a mad on for the Bush administration. For all their talk of making America more secure, all they’ve managed to do is make us afraid of each other. If you saw these lights around your city on September 10, 2001, you’d look at them and either laugh or walk on by. You might even think them clever pieces of viral marketing or some strange kind of performance art. Not today. Today, it would be perfectly understandable if you caught a quick glimpse of a blinking light and run to your nearest Homeland Security officer. Holy fuck! We’re being attacked by bombs in plain the fuck sight!

I’m not saying we should throw caution to the wind. This is a new era and terrorism is a growing concern. But there’s caution and there’s panic. And in my estimation, Boston’s reaction was clearly the latter. We can’t let fear control our lives. I understand that these are fairly shitty times. But every time we give in to fear, even just a little, the terrorist win. Don’t let those fuckers scare us!

Optimus Has a Big Ass Head

hasbro_helmet.jpgDespite my best efforts, I can’t avoid seeing the new bots. Every where I click, I see bots upon bots. I’ve seen everything from prodcution CG to toy photos. I’ve heard some truly aweful Optimus quotes (those were the winners?). Hell, even CNN is covering the stupid thing.

This is the Optimus voice changer helmet which will hit stores in June and retail for $29.99. My initial thought is that it would be really funny to get this Optimus helmet and a Darth Vader voice changer helmet and start a nerdcore rap group. YouTube stardom is just around the corner!

Shit! That’s a brilliant idea! If any of you get around to it before I do, please, send me some video.

Indy IV, Speed Racer, Iron Man, and Narnia Rule May 2008

May 22, 2008 will see the return of Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones in the “Fourth Installment of the Indiana Jones Adventures.” With Speed Racer scheduled for the same weekend, Iron Man dropping May 2, and The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian dropping May 16, May 2008 is going to be one of those HUGE blockbuster months.

Having seen no previews or production work or anything else, I’m going to go ahead and declair Iron Man the winner with Narnia a very close second. Indy IV has the nostalgia factor and a huge director along with it, but I suspect that Indy’s time is no longer. It’s going to do very well, but not as well as they expect. Speed Racer will suck and manage to disappoint both Speed Racer fans and car fans alike. I’m picking Iron Man over Narnia because although Narnia will attract a lot of religious folks, Iron Man has a lot of star power. Seems to me that big names drive big ticket sales, at least for opening weekends. I think we’ll see Iron Man destroy the rest opening weekend. Whether or not it has staying power is dependent on the quality of the film.

If I had to pick one to go see, I’d have to pick Iron Man. I’m a big mech fan and I’ve always seen Iron Man as our version of Mobile Suit Gundam. Well, not really. I mean, Tony Stark isn’t exactly fighting an epic war to enslave space colonies (ZIEG ZION!), but he’s in a shiny robot suit. It’s like a small mobile suit. Kinda.

Wonder Woman Officially Sucks!

Joss Whedon has left Wonder Woman citing creative differences. From the fansite Whedonesque:

You (hopefully) heard it here first: I’m no longer slated to make Wonder Woman. What? But how? My chest… so tight! Okay, stay calm and I’ll explain as best I can. It’s pretty complicated, so bear with me. I had a take on the film that, well, nobody liked. Hey, not that complicated.

Let me stress first that everybody at the studio and Silver Pictures were cool and professional. We just saw different movies, and at the price range this kind of movie hangs in, that’s never gonna work. Non-sympatico. It happens all the time. I don’t think any of us expected it to this time, but it did. Everybody knows how long I was taking, what a struggle that script was, and though I felt good about what I was coming up with, it was never gonna be a simple slam-dunk. I like to think it rolled around the rim a little bit, but others may have differing views.

The worst thing that can happen in this scenario is that the studio just keeps hammering out changes and the writer falls into a horrible limbo of development. These guys had the clarity and grace to skip that part. So I’m a free man.

Well, sorta. There is that “Goners” movie I can finally finish polishing, and plenty of other things in the hopper I’ve wanted to pursue. I’m as relieved as I am disappointed, and both of those things lead to drink, so that’s a plus. Truly, you may be hearing some interesting things brewing in the coming months. But all potential jets therein will be visible.

But most importantly, I never have to answer THAT question again!!!! And you don’t have to link to every rumor site! Finally and forever: I never had an actress picked out, or even a consistant front-runner. I didn’t have time to waste on casting when I was so busy air-balling on the script. (No! Rim! There was rim!) That’s the greatest relief of all. I can do interviews again!

Thanks for your time. You are the people who make the world go ’round. Or, no, science does that.

-j.

ps All right, it was Cobie Smulders. Sorry, Cobes.

FIE AND DAMNATION! I am no longer interested in ever, EEEEEVER, seeing this movie! I love Joss Whedons characters and dialog. I’ve been quite impressed with his Astonishing X-Men run and he’s always had a knack for writing really strong and compelling women. This is so disheartening. They’ll probably go with the geniuses who made that Catwoman flick or something like that. Bleh. No good can come of this.

Avril, the Manga

avril.jpg

No longer satisfied with being just a musician, actor, voice actor, and fashion model, Avril Lavigne now has her sights set on becoming a manga-ka. In collaboration with Lavigne, Del Ray Manga will publish Make Five Wishes in April and July. The two-volume Original English-language Manga stars a very emo girl who has no friends and whose role-model is, guess who, Avril Lavigne.

The art looks pretty nice. I like the loose pencils with the anime style cel shading. But honestly, I have no idea why I’m posting this. I don’t particularly like her music though I liked her small part in Over the Hedge and really want to see Fast Food Nation. I guess I’m impressed that she’s branching out into all sorts of things just because. Ugh, I hate to be inspired by Avril Lavigne, but it’s pretty impressive.

Anyway, I won’t bother with this when it comes out. Though the art is quite nice, this manga is not targetted at me. Besides, I already know where to go if I want to read about emo school-girls :P.

Who You Gonna Call?

Some high-price CG studio!

Okay, so it doesn’t quite roll off the tongue like “Ghostbusters!” But according to Dan Aykroyd, they’re going to need some artists for the third Ghostbusters film. In a recent interview with some Country music station, Aykroyd confirmed that the third Ghostbusters will be CG. He also said that Bill Murray has agreed to voice his character, which might be the only reason to even rent this thing.

Once again, I think this is a bit late. A lot late. Couple that with the CG treatment and you’ve got a big steaming pile of ectoplasmic runny shit. Busting, at one time, did indeed make me feel good. But no more. Leave this one in the trap.

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