Fantasy

Sucker Punch, All Your Bad Girl Fetishes Unleashed

My brother sent me the trailer for Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch which debuted at Comic Con. The movie doesn’t come out until next year sometime, but I guess Comic Con is the perfect place to hype up what looks to be a giant bad girl fetish fest all thrown up on screen. It’s like Snyder stuck a film camera in the forehead of a horny fifteen year old boy and projected the images on to film. Girls with guns, school girls with swords, mechs, dragons, girls in skimpy out fits, girls, girls, and more girls.

The movie takes place in an insane asylum so the batshit insane stuff we’re seeing in this trailer may all be the lunatic fantasies of our heroine who is institutionalized by her fuckhead of a stepfather. I’m a little sad to think that we won’t get to see a world in which giant samurai robots exist for really reals, but the fantasy as reality theme worked really well in Pan’s Labyrinth and it might hold up here. Besides, there are giant samurai robots! Who gives a fuck if it’s real or imaginary. They’re fucking awesome!

Why Yes, That is a Movie Accurate Prop Infinite Gauntlet

Infinite Gauntlet

There’s going to be a lot of ComicCon stuff to sort through this week. Lots of other sites out there have done a fairly good job of covering the event, although honestly, no report or blog or live streaming feed of ComicCon can ever truly compare to the actual experience of being there. It is wonderful and overwhelming and just as awesome as you think it is. You’ll miss a lot of the cool stuff that will be reported on for weeks after the event, but you won’t care. It’s ComicCon. You belong there.

It’s been years since I’ve gone and I miss it terribly. Sure, it’s becoming more of a movie festival than a comics celebration, but the shit is cool.

Anyway, among the many things Marvel revealed over the entire event, the one that really grabbed my attention was this movie accurate prop of the Infinite Gauntlet. There was no word on what film it would be featured in, but from the aesthetics of the prop, we can make some fairly good educated guesses. The stylings of the Gauntlet match the aesthetics of the magic/tech/armor/disco suits of what we’ve seen from the Thor film. I think we’ll see it introduced in that movie somewhere. If it does show up in the Avengers film, it’ll probably be in the end credits or something. But I think it’s more likely to be found on Asgard. I can totally imagine Loki getting his hands on the Gauntlet and causing all kinds of mess. Or maybe we’ll even see Thanos.

What do you Angry Zen Minions think? Is the Gauntlet headed for a Thor debut? Or does Marvel have a truly epic, cosmic film in the works? Or does it just look like a stupid, shiny disco glove?

Source: Marvel

If God of War Was an Indy Film…

…it would look like this:

Friggin’ brilliant.

Disco Never Died, It Went to Asgard

Odin, Loki, and Thor go to Studio 54

Here’s a look at Anthony Hopkins in his disco Odin suit with Thor and Loki in tow. And this is the song that plays in my head when I see the three of them with their disco movie suits:

It’s like they stepped right out of Studio 54!

I honestly think this movie is going to be great fun. I just really, really, really don’t like the suits. At. All. So it’s time to play the caption game! You know the rules. Unleash your best caption in the comments and remind these guys just how ridiculous they look!

Predators Delivers Killing Blow to AirFailure

Sokka Yay!

There’s been no official word from anyone, but I’m gonna say it right now. The Last Airbender is not just a clever title. It will be the Last Airbender movie.

AirFailure dropped to the number 5 slot this weekend taking in only $17 million for a total of a little more than $100 million when combined with its opening weekend. With Inception and Wacky Nick Cage’s Apprentice opening this weekend, I expect those numbers to drop significantly.

In light of all this, I’m glad the film wasn’t cast with Asians leads. If it had and it failed, it would have sent a message to Hollywood that Asian cannot carry a major summer blockbuster. That would have made things even more difficult for Asian American actors to land leading roles. Now the failure can be placed squarely on the shoulders of M. Night Shyamalan who cast the thing with the intention of reaching the widest audience.

I will not be sad if there are no more live action versions of AirFailure. It’s not that I don’t think it can be done properly, but I think it works best as an animated feature. I would absolutely love to see a full feature length animated version. That would freaking destroy all of my pants. But honestly, if we never get another version in the theater, animated or otherwise, I’m okay with that.

Source: Box Office Mojo

Twilight Out Glitters Bender July 4th Weekend

Thanks to Angry Zen Minion Jeff Posey for this clip. It’s like the creators knew that a live-action version of their show would really suck.

Despite absolutely atrocious reviews from pretty much everyone, The Last Not-Nearly-A-Fraction-As-Entertaining-As-Futurama’s-Bender managed to open at number two for this extended movie weekend pulling in $53 million behind Sparkly Vampires Suck the Screen Part Whatever’s $82million if you count all four days of our extended weekend here in the U.S. Toy Story 3 pulled up with $42 million in the number 3 slot.

What does this mean? Well, the Bend-it-Like-White-People film cost Paramount $150 million. Altogether, the film has grossed $70.5 million which is just about half of what it cost to make. I expected the opening weekend to be strong since there’s not much else to do July 4 except eat, blow up shit, and watch movies. So as much as it makes me sad panda, I’m not entirely surprised. What really interests me is what happens next weekend. Few movie goers really pay attention to the professional reviewers, but they do tend to listen to their friends. And if the internet is any indication, very few people who paid actual money to sit through this film actually enjoyed it. I expect to see Toy Story 3 reclaim the number two spot and push Should-Have-Been-An-Animated-Film Bender down below Preditors which opens this Friday. If the film fails to make it’s $150 million price tag, it’s going to be very difficult to convince the studio to make any more. Here’s hoping this weekend’s offerings and the slew of horrible reviews are enough to distract movie goers from this stinking pile of fail.

Source: Box Office Mojo

McDonald’s Airbender Happy Meal Commercial Better Than Actual Film

You may be under the impression that my new favorite passtime is shitting on The Last Fecal-Matter-Sniffer-Bender. You’re totally right!

This McDonald’s commercial for their Airbender Happy Meal toys has been making the rounds and I believe the director should be congratulated. Not only is the spot more racially diverse than the actual film, but it also tells a more compelling and complete narrative. Without any dialog. Or ILM. I hate to endorse McAnything and haven’t stepped foot into one since I saw Super Size Me, but I think I just might have to get myself a McDeathShake sometime today to give them some props.

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