More weddings need a wrasslin’ storyline. Thanks to AZM Ally Henry Marx for sending this along.
I really expected Obama to come out doing the hand to the ear thing and Hulk up throughout his speech at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. But even without the feathered boa, it was fucking epic to see Obama troll all his haters. It’s good to see him calling bitches out for acting a fool. The first few minutes are fucking gold, but if you’ve got twenty minutes to spare, it’s worth watching the whole thing.
Obama 2012, Calling Bitches Out!
After seven long years, The People’s Champ, The Most Electrifying Man in All Entertainment, THE MOTHER FUCKING ROCK is back!
Goddamn, he’s still got it. I kinda feel bad for Cena. After all this time building him up and turning him into one of the top wrestlers in the WWE stable, all it takes is for the Rock to step into the ring to turn Cena into a little bitch. He’s that damn good.
Please don’t ever leave again!
On Monday, TNA announced that Hulk Hogan would join their lineup and square off in the hexagonal circle January 17. But for me, the BIG news of Monday was that Bret “The Hitman” Hart returned to the WWE. OMG, I think I just got chubs!
Although I find it difficult to imagine, there are some of you who may not know who Bret Hart is or why his return to the WWE is bigger than freaking Hulk Hogan. It all goes back to a little town called Montreal and a little event called Survivor Series. Here’s a little bit on the Montreal Screwjob:
There’s also a great documentary film chronicling Bret’s move from WWF to WCW which was filmed around the time of the screw job called Bret Hart: Wrestling With Shadows. I highly recommend checking that out.
Alright, back to Bret’s return. This is seriously the biggest return in sports entertainment history. Since leaving WWF, now WWE, Bret has been quite vocal about his animosity towards Vince McMahon and the WWE proclaiming that he would never, EEEEEEEEVER, return, that it would be a cold day in Hell before he stepped back into a WWE ring. If the weather here on the East coast has been any indication, Hell has indeed frozen over and Bret is back. It’s great for the fans to see him back in action. And although there’s been no official confirmation, I’m sure we’ll get to see a dream match between him and Vince at Wrestlmania.
But is all this nostalgia really good for professional wrestling?
Seriously though, his being there does two things. It spikes ratings (for a bit) and immediately halts industry growth. BAD!
He’s got a point. Bret’s return is going to be huge for ratings for the next couple of weeks and will totally overshadow what’s going on with the current roster. It’s going to bring back old fans of Bret who’ve long sworn off anything associated with Vince McMahon. And when the feud is over, those fans will leave. This is horrible for the industry.
The WWE reached its height of popularity when the WCW was still around. Both companies fought vehemently for their fans. The deep seeded rivalry between them forced them to push the envelope of what you could show on cable television. The importance of storylines began to grow. Professional wrestling became a sort of violent weekly soap opera that fans just couldn’t miss. The wrestling got more extreme with both companies adopting more hardcore rules found in upstart organizations like ECW. It was a golden era in wrestling.
And then consolidation. Vince McMahon bought the WCW and when ECW went bankrupt, he snatched that up as well. The era of the great company rivalries had ended. The WWE had won. And that’s when I left.
Without any real competition, there was no real need to push the envelope, to try new things, to totally throw the rules out the window and do shit that we’d never seen before. Sure, the Invasion storyline kept my interest for a little bit. But it just felt like they were trying to hard. I think it got to the point where the storylines were more important than the actual matches. The actual wrestling could be sub par as long as the right person won or lost to continue a storyline. The shit between the matches became the focus so if you missed a week, you’d be completely lost.
Bringing back these old guys plays in to the storyline so well. Old rivalries renewed. Unfinished business finally resolved. Dream matches of the decade. The problem is that these old bone can’t keep up with the young guys. Hogan can’t keep up with the likes of Samoa Joe. Batista can fold Bret in half. But standing next to Hogan or Bret, Samoa Joe and Batista will get lost in the shuffle. It doesn’t matter that these young guys kick ass and can push their craft to the next level. They’re not Hogan or Bret.
Here’s the really sad part. As much as I hate to admit it, I will totally pay to see Bret Hart kick the shit out of Vince McMahon. *sigh* I guess the real problem isn’t wrestling. It’s fans like me.
“Whacha gonna do, brother, when the tilt-shift camera runs wild on you!”
There’s a photographic technique called tilt-shift which gives you a fairly shallow depth of field when you take a photograph making the subject you focus on appear to be miniature. Which basically means, the shit you want to focus on is in-focus, the surrounding shit be blurred. You can fake this effect easily in Photoshop, but it’s more impressive to capture it in-camera with a tilt-shift lens. It’s even more impressive when you capture it in-camera with a tilt-shift lens as video! The above match between Hulk Hogan and Rick Flair (WHOOOOOO!!) was shot by Keith Loutit, a photographer who specializes in this tilt-shift video photography.
It’s almost like watching stop motion video of action figures beating the crap out of each other. Except, this is all real people in a real match in a real wrasslin’ ring in a real stadium. It’d be really neat to see a Super Art Fight filmed this way.
Ah, the Big Show. I always kind of felt he was like the Rodney Dangerfield of the WWE. It always seemed like they could never figure out exactly what to do with his character. I mean, the high point in his career was when The Rock was busting his balls.
Well, it looks like The Big Show has finally found his calling, Mixed Martial Arts.
Okay, not really.
Paul “The Big Show” Wright will be starring in an MMA film called Knucklehead in which he plays church orphan Walter Krunk who ends up in a New Orleans MMA tourney. It’s intended to be a comedy which is perfect for The Show. Even when he was trying to mean mug in the ring, he always looked like a fuzzy teddy bear.
Not expecting that much from a WWE production. Their film track record isn’t exactly stellar. But there’s potential here for a sleeper hit. The Show is a pretty funny dude. I think if the WWE did more comedies, their movies might perform better.
UPDATE: Oh! I totally forgot the Showster! Truly, this was Big Show at his best!
When regular wrestling is too boring, it’s time to bust out the live action Kinnikuman! I love the bit with the guy ripping off Ashura Man’s arms, but that’s cause I’m sick and twisted. This is pretty funny shit. From what I’ve been told, Kinnikuman’s actual finishing technique would kill you at least twice if it were to be actually performed. Fortunately, real life Kinnikuman has sense enough not to decimate his opponent to death. But it’s still damn entertaining.